The Monster Rears His Ugly Head! Again

July 04, 2008

The Monster has reared its ugly head once again. Or should I say “Monsters’? One being the “Bald Headed Monster” that was once my son-in-law, the other Monster in my daughter’s life now is depression. Unfortunately one seems to feed the other.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that she was doing so well. So much like her old self. Happy, rationale, looking forward to the future. Then out of nowhere, (and might I add, 100km out of his way), he drives right by her in front of her condo in his girlfriends jeep. What was he doing there? Checking up on her. Gathering information about her for his “file” that I know he has. You see, he needs that control. To him it is always about control and head games. He is a master of “head games.”

Starting Over Is Hard

July 04, 2008

I get so angry some days. How is it fair that he moves on and adopts a new family and maintains his current lifestyle and friends, whereas I have to start over. I moved to a new location, had to meet new people and had to learn how to date all over again. He has to do none of the above. I think starting over is hard. I have done a lot in a year and learned a lot about myself, but I get so angry sometimes because I did not plan for my life to turn out this way. I thought that I would be married and by now and have a family of my own. I did not think that I would be single again in my thirties. I see everyone else around me with children of their own and loving husbands. What did I do to deserve this? I followed the traditional path. I fell in love and got married and the next logical step would have been to have children. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that I did not have children with him, I am just terrified that I will be single all of my life. I have been on 12 dates and none of them matched my criteria. I know now what I am looking for and decided not to settle and follow my gut instinct for the first time. I am trying to change my behaviour, because “if I keep doing what I have always done I will always get what I always got.” I would rather be single then be in another abusive relationship. I now find dating very time consuming and sometimes frustrating. Why can’t it be like the movies, you meet “Prince Charming” right away and you live happily ever after, although that would be nice, its not reality? Recently, my ex-boyfriend of three months wrote me a letter telling me how much he loved me and wanted me back. Can you see the red flags? It is impossible to fall in love after 3 months; it is merely infatuation or romantic love. I did not respond to his letter. This is a new journey, one that I do not care to travel at this point in my life. Maybe if I was younger. Oh well, I hope that he will have to take this journey in the future and know what it feels like. For me, I just take each day as it comes