Leaving Is A Huge Step

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3 Responses to “Leaving Is A Huge Step”

  1. dnyljean Says:
    May 30, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    What do you do when you were finally getting strong enough to leave and he leaves you? I keep trying to tell myself to be thankful that it didn’t go to the point of marriage, that it was only one-year of my life. I try to remind myself that it would or could have been worse and the signs that it was becoming worse were there. Why wasn’t I ready to leave? My head knew it wasn’t right, it wasn’t right from the first date, but I didn’t walk away. I believed everything he had said. I wasn’t ever allowed to be me, and when I would pull my strength to be me and say what I needed and how I felt I was rejected and looked at and told “things take time” “you have abandonment issues”. The thing is the things he said were true. It was like he was helping and hurting me all at the same time. He was changing me. I still cannot blame him, because I have always believed in taking responsibility for one’s own actions and reactions, and so that’s what I did. I used to be the woman who would have never let this happen. Who would never let someone mistreat her. I have seen friends and family go through this and I was the one who was strong and there telling them the things they are now telling me. I don’t understand how I got here?

    Reply
  2. mountcope Says:
    May 30, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    Dnyljean,
    Please do not blame yourself. It is not your fault. I understand how difficult it is to wrap your head around all of this. I also knew it wasn’t right from the first date, and I still don’t know why I didn’t walk away too. What I do know now is that my ex was a master manipulator who always came across as “helping me” and “guiding me”. All he had to do was say that one thing that made me believe him. I now know it was all about power and control.
    I too have lost myself. For me it has been a long journey to unravel all the damage over the last several years. But I will. And I will be a better person in the end and find the happiness that I deserve, as will you Dnyljean. Take care and please do not hesitate to ask for help. It is out there if you need it.

    Mount Cope

    Reply
  3. dnyljean Says:
    May 31, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    Thanks, Mount Cope.
    I read that just in time. I was thinking of contacting him, which I am not!

    Reply

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