August 01, 2007
Yesterday I was so upset that I went to the bank to find out about my financial situation. I am trying to undo the mess that he has created on so many levels. I was relieved to find out that I am able to consolidate my debt and make a monthly payment that is affordable (hopefully). My mother payed off my car and I have paid my line of credit off. I will now try to pay my BMO and that will leave me with a $22,000 debt. WOW! Work was alright I was better able to concentrate. My mom told me last night that I divorced him in my heart years ago. I believe that to be true. I did not want to be with him. There was so many rules. Cannot sit in a restaurant beside other people, we had to be isolated. He would never talk to me only about finances and sex. So what am I missing? Walking on eggshells? I did not enjoy his company, it was rather painful. I would hold my breath hoping he would not disagree with me, he would not ignore me, or talk about finances. He used to always tell me what to do with my life and career. He does not even know me.
I went to see one of my councillor’s today,. She is charging me less money so I can keep coming. I also phoned Design For a New Tomorrow. It is transitional abuse therapy. I hope it can also help with my self esteem. I am tired I forgot that I took a sleeping pill.
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