August 10, 2007
Today was a difficult day. On my drive to work I saw my ex- husband. I can still see the image in my head. He was wearing his golfing sweater, track pants and sunglasses. His car was also messy. I remember only being a passenger in that car a couple of times, since he bought it. He said it was to messy and always drove my car. I was proud of myself that I never reacted when I saw him. I did not shed a tear or shake. He looked very intense. It is amazing that I am still legally his wife and he passed by me like he did not even know me. It is hard to believe that 2 1/2 months ago Iwas married to him and lived in Mount Cope, was with him for 7 years, and he just passed by me like it did not matter. I hope I do not see him tomorrow. Now I will be nervous on my drive to work that I am going to run into him. I still cannot wrap my head around, how someone I slept with for 7 years is sleeping with someone else. I chose to walk away, and he did not. I will never understand it . It is like I am being punished.Idid not realize that when I said I do 4 years ago that I would be in this situation. Why me? How is it fair that he has gone on with his life and I am still in pain. I hope she goes to hell!There should not have been a third party involved. She had nothing to do with my marriage. How can she hold her head up high. Is she stupid or something? It just seems like she won. But what did she win? Someone who will eventually is going to treat her like shit. No thanks! today I also had two ambulances follow me. I wander if he came from our house? Why would he come that way from work? I wander if he has thought about me once. He failed me as a husband.
I was not that upset until I spoke with a collegue on the phone. I told her about my ex, and she seemed very short with me. I just felt rejected again! Rationally speaking I crossed the professional line, and maybe she was uncomfortable talking about that at work. Maybe I am reading into it. It is hard to be rejected!It doesn’t help my self confidence. I guess that is the risk I have to take to put myself out there. I have been isolated for too long. there is nothing wrong with me. Tomorrow will be better!
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