I Don’t Get It

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October 17, 2007

Today was a hard day. I was so angry, I could not stop thinking about them. I remember when I was married I would have dreams that he was having an affair. I was so mad at him, and I would tell him. That was a running joke at our 1st house.I think someone was trying to tell me something. I was thinking about her in our house. I could not even go into an ex-wife’s house, if I had been the mistress. I could not do it, but I think she would have no problem. I mean that was “our bed” and everything in the house was “ours”. How dare she even set foot in that house. How can she? How can he? That was the house we bought together. So how can I be replaced by some white trash bitch, when there are memories. I don’t get it! I have no proof that this is happening, and I don’t want to know. I want her to fall flat on her ass. I can’t wait till he treats her poorly, she deserves everything she will get. Or when he cheats on her, I would like to be a fly on the wall. I HATE THEM! I walked away because I felt so guilty. I even told him about the one time. It did not matter he was with other woman before that. He would often tell me how loyal he was. I look back now and ask myself why would he continue to say this and keep trying to convince me that he was so loyal , unless it was not true. It was like when he kept on telling me how supportive he was of me, and he was not. I think I might take up boxing and pretend it is her head. I think it is a mistake when you are in a bad marriage, and you can’t see things clearly. But she was not in a bad marriage and can see things clearly. I wish someone would tell me that they broke up, or it is not paradise, or they are having problems, something! anything! I have to stop thinking about it. (grounding)

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