Ways To Build Self Esteem



  1. Free yourself of “shoulds’. Live your life on the basis of what is possible for you and what feels right to you instead of what you or others think you “should” do. “Shoulds” distract us from identifying and fulfilling our own needs, abilities, interests and personal goals. Find out what you want and what you are good at and work on those things.
  2. Respect your own needs and take care of your own needs first. Identify what really fulfills you. Respecting your deeper needs will increase your sense of worth and well being.
  3. Set achievable goals based on what you can realistically achieve. Then work step-by-step to develop your potential. Unachievable goals can lead to stress and failure.
  4. Talk to yourself positively. Stop listening to your cruel inner critic. When you are doubting or judging yourself, replace such thoughts with self-accepting thoughts and realistic self-assessments
  5. Test your reality. Separate your emotional reactions, your fears and bad feelings, from the reality of your current situation. Eg. You may feel anxious and helpless about a project, but if you think about it, you may have the opportunity to learn new things as well as make a contribution to the project.
  6. Experience success. Find situations where the chances of succeeding are high. Look for projects that stretch but don’t overwhelm your abilities. Imagine yourself succeeding. Whatever you accomplish, acknowledge it and feel good about it.
  7. Take chances. New experiences, are learning experiences, which can build self-confidence. Expect to make some mistakes and don’t be disappointed if you aren’t perfect. Feel good about trying something new, making progress and increasing your competence.
  8. Solve problems. Don’t avoid problems. Face them and identify ways to solve them or cope with them. If you run away from problems you can solve, you threaten your self confidence.
  9. Make decisions. Practice making and implementing positive decisions flexibly but firmly, and trust yourself to deal with the consequences. When you assert yourself, you enhance your sense of yourself, learn more and increase your self confidence.
  10. Develop your skills. Know what you can and can’t do. Assess the skills you need, learn and practice those.
  11. Emphasize your strengths. Focus on what you can do rather than what you cannot. Accept current limitations and live within them. Think about what strengths you want to develop or improve.
  12. Rely on you own opinion of yourself. Listen to other’s feedback, but don’t rely on their opinions. Depend on your own values in making decisions and deciding how you feel about yourself and what is right for you.



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