Who Wants To Be Alone

being-alone.jpg

October 21, 2007

Today I am so sad. I wish someone would just kill me! I can’t stop hurting. I just live. I keep busy and distracted and that’s it. But I am profoundly sad. I went to Runners Den this morning to run at 9:00, but sure enough they left at 8:45. I managed to catch up to them though. My running has improved. I noticed Scott does not pay much attention to me. I wander why. I really should not care. I guess I just want to fit in. I was so hungry all day I could not stop eating. I then sat in the park by myself again and watched the ducks and the people go to the ice cream festival. I wish I had a family to go with, but I don’t.

I then went for a manicure. All the girl talked about was her husband. I could not stand it. I get so jealous. Then I think and compare. I need to stop that. I never had a good marriage. I miss having someone around. i get so jealous of people who are married. I just want to be in bed and never wake up. Maybe all the running will cause me to have a heart attack. then it will be a natural death.

I then went to work and did school work. It is now starting to be time consuming. I also drove by my condo and looked in the window. A girl at work told me that she is jealous that I am single, attractive and young and how exciting it is for me to move into a condo. I said that I was angry. So think about it, your husband is going to cheat, steal from you and then ask yourself, are you going to be happy?. Who wants to be alone? I remember my ex saying to me once, who wants to date again! I hope to God that she dumps him and he will get that opportunity. I hope that I am happily remarried with a family and he falls flat on his face!

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3 Responses to “Who Wants To Be Alone”

  1. jayherron Says:

    I’ve gone to that place you talk about being in-the one where wish a huge chunk of iron would fall out of the sky and woof you away. I understand what you are saying-been there myself,and glad that I kept on walking in another direction rather than allow myself to be re-victimized by people who are no longer there to hurt me. So-if I was to run out in front of a semi truck-it is my attackers hurting me again,I’m just helping-and they get the satisfaction.
    Men too can be abused. My story is very complex as yours and others…but reading excerpts of your blog I can share this; once I met a woman-so beautifull,and intelligent-she seemingly did not realize that was,or-she used it adversely.
    She told every body she had a short time to live (she had shown up homeless to a farm near by-with her two children) a long complicated story-but I will tell you this,I loved her-loved watching her talk,her teeth sort of made her smile attracting-the way she stood,or walked-all things that I fell in love with.
    It has been ten years since I’ve seen her-the whirl wind of knowing her has sometimes even still has trouble settleing down.
    She did not have a terminal illness as she once told everyone-she just turned out to be a liar of the highest order.
    Being a liar to some people may not seem much-but these lies were the kind that made many people do things they were not ready to do every day,suffer…again,a long long story-
    I just came across your blog,read your pain and wanted you to realize that men are not all guilty of evilness-but in truth,my life with the woman I talk about has made me so wary of meeting someone again that I have been alone for 10 years.
    Of course-my lifes story is journaled in my own ‘blog’-and speaks of more than just this marriage I had-and certainly,the marraige was not the singular event in my life that made me wary…
    I dunno kiddo,its just that heard the pain in your words-and want to say that do not let another person drag you down-instead make the bad things work to lift you up above it all-above them all; you’ll see what I mean.

  2. nafri Says:

    I am so alone. I want to have someone whom i can love,be with listen to songs with, watch movies with. I dont want to die. I know everything is everything is beautiful in this world. I just need to see it but not alone. this loneliness is killing me. I not the one who can laugh because the whole crowd is laughing. I want to feel it. I want to hold someone in my arms. i want to lean my head on someone shoulder. i want to talk to someone but ………………… i am alone

  3. ashwani chauhan Says:

    i just wana suggest u, not to keep someone in ur heart, because when they goes, they left ur heart broke,
    i had a friend, no she family for me here, as i leave away from my home in hostel, she was best for me, a best friend , now she is with with me, some misunderstandings, i dont wana tell in detail , well i miss her to much, i cant even call her now, i had swear on my mother that i will never talk to her, i mean her as my sister……………………………….i miss u sis , i m soory
    -ash


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