Grieving – Part One


Leaving An Abusive Relationship:

Separation is not easy. Knowing what to do and what to expect does not stop you from having feelings. You will probably feel your emotions more strongly than ever. you may feel betrayal, grief, anger, joy and freedom, weakness and strength, often at the same time. You may feel that you are going crazy because of all the emotions you have , which sometimes are overwhelming, contradictory, and unexpected. You are not crazt. this is a normal process. Remember that your emotions are just part of you, a changing part, and they are not “you”, the whole person. Let yourself feel your emotions fully. Do not judge yourself for having them. You will pass through each one in time.


Grief is a large part of the process of letting go of a relationship. When you feel grief, let yourself cry. You may feel like you will never stop. You are facing a death, the death of your relationship. you will stop crying when the mourning is over. You may not understand why you are so sad, especially if you were badly abused. there were probably some good things that you will miss. This is the reality.Remember you did have to pay a price for more good things – a very high price.


You may experience a great euphoria when you leave the relationship. This may last for weeks or months. This is usually felt if you have made a clear decision. This euphoria can help give you energy to get yourself on your feet again. Don’t be surprised, if a month or a year later, you feel grief or anger or depression. This is normal and part of the process of change or separation. You will have to work through all the stages at some time. the timing may vary with each individual and the process is usually finished in three years if you have let yourself feel fully at each stage.


You may feel more anger after separating than you have ever felt before. You may suddenly feel all the anger that is stockpiled and denied during your relationship, along with the built up frustration at not getting your needs met, and the powerlessness of your position. It is safe to feel angry now. Accept that your anger is normal. Anger can give you power and motivation. Use it to your advantage. The goal of letting yourself feel anger is to express it constructively so that you become free of it. Do not use it for revenge. Acting in revenge may destroy your self-respect in the long run. Fantasize about revenge instead (this is normal so be easy on yourself)


While you are going through the separation, it is normal for you to experience both physical and emotional stress reactions. Physical symptoms you may experience include; sleep disturbances; diarrhea or constipation; nausea; changes in heart rate; menstrual changes; weight gain or loss. Psychological symptoms may include; sadness; hopelessness or feeling of futility; edginess; poor memory. Good physical health will help you cope.


You may feel that admitting “failure” in your relationship confirms that you are inadequate.This is not true. You have probably done all you could to make it work and it is not your fault that your efforts failed. Relationships take two people working together to make it a success. also remember that your decision to leave was a painful and difficult one. recognize your success in making that decision.



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