I Am Scared


October 28, 2007

Today, was a very sad day. I started my day in church. That was OK. I still find it a bit overwhelming because it s different and I am not used to it. Although I say to myself that my Evangelical friends were the best compared to the so called Catholics. I will see how it goes. Maybe I will try something different like the United Church. I do not know. I am going to give it some time. It would be nice to meet people my age. I then went for lunch with the couple I met at the church. They are die-hard Born Again Christians. They are missionaries. It was bit uncomfortable. I though the husband was a bit eccentric. He then went to the car and brought me a Bible. They are trying to convert me, but I am still only testing the waters. then I thought if my Ex saw me now he would laugh at me. Like I said it would be nice to meet people my own age.

This is a different life. I feel lost. I don’t know who I am. I was depressed and decided to go to Leons. I bought a mattress, TV, and stand all for $2000.00. The staff person kept saying ” You must be so excited!” I am sick of hearing that. No I am not excited! I am scared! I was forced into this situation. I am still mad, angry, sad, and depressed. How could he do this to me? I hate him so much. I am so mad! I want to kill him. I want to go get a gun and shoot him in cold blood. I want to kill her as well. But I won’t. I do not want to spend the rest of my life in jail. But I now understand why woman who are so emotionally abused by their husbands’  kill them.

My head hurts so much. I wish the pain would go away. I want justice. Something??

Another day is almost over.



2 Responses to “I Am Scared”

  1. Michael Says:

    For the church part of your life, there are a little over 39,000 Christian religions in the world right now. And they all are right – just ask them.

    As for the other part, sounds like healthy emotion. As someone who has been there done that, would you rather it happened 30 years from now, or is this a better time to call it quits in the present? I can understand how you feel, but time will help as always.

  2. Mary/Living For His Glory Says:

    Dear Mountcope, I have been through some of the same things you have experienced…rejection, lonliness, (even though I had a husband, he was always out with his friends) betrayal, (my husband was cheating on me) verbal and emotional abuse, etc. My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for you, and I encourage you to read the Bible that your new friends gave to you. Read the Gospel of John and get to know who Jesus is and allow His love to fill the emptiness in your broken heart. I will write you again. I close with these verses… Isaiah 54:5,6 ” For your Maker is your husband-the LORD Almighty is His name- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-a wife who married young only to be rejected,” says your God.” Psalm 56:3,4 “When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose Word I praise, in God I trust I will not be afraid.” …What God offers you is a relationship with Himself through receiving the love and forgiveness He showed to us all when He had His One and only Son die in OUR place for OUR sins upon the cross. … Isaiah 53:4,5 “Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.” Concerning the anger that you are feeling, …that’s a healthy reaction to the wrong being done to you. It’s okay to be angry, as long as you don’t allow your anger to cause you to do something wrong, and you already know that by the comments you made. (Read Ephesians 4:26,27) (cont.)

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