A New Year – A New Beginning

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January 01, 2008

Thank goodness it is 2008, and I have made it through 2007. I will always remember 2007, as the year from hell. I am happy that they are having “fun”. I wish that one day, I can put this behind me and not feel angry, hurt or sad. A new year means new beginnings. I can honestly say that starting over is a really hard thing to do, especially when my whole entire world revolved around him. I have learned some valuable lessons throughout my journey. The most important on is to follow your gut instinct and be aware of the red flags. I wish 7 years ago, I had not called him and that I should of broke it off when I was sitting on his mothers chair outside, after I broke my ankle. I stayed too long, that was a huge mistake, but it could have been a lot worse, I could have had children with him. One day I want to recapture my identity, and be a happy person like I was 7 years ago. I sometimes think that I could be that happy person, if I met someone. I think that I would probably feel swept off my feet and living in the honeymoon phase. But I am to vulnerable right now, and would probably ignore the red flags. All relationships can be wonderful at first, but very deceiving at the same time. I think it shows more strength to choose not to date until I have put the past behind me. I think that I would attract the same type of guy. On the other hand, I am also realizing that it is a “couples” society and there seems to be a stigma around being single, like there is something wrong with me. To be honest, I have not been single for 15 years, I think that is the problem. I went from one bad relationship to the next, and each one got worse and worse. I admit that I miss having a partner, and sometimes I think that he has won because he has a partner. Why do I think that? I am an attractive, athletic, and well educated, yet I feel that all the decent men are all gone, and that I am going to stay single the rest of my life. Why do I think like this? Well, some positive things happened this year that I would like to share:

How I Changed In 2007

He gave me a hard time about going back to school to obtain a Ph.D, so I did

He told me that it was inappropriate to go dancing with friends, so I do. In fact a few of my friends who have been through difficult times, used to dance at lunch

He told me that I could not spend money, that going to Tim Horton is something I don’t need. Now I go to Tim Horton’s twice a day

He said that I like to spend and spend, so I bought myself a condo that no one can take away from me

He tried to ruin me financially, so I cleaned up the mess with some help and am now debt free

On the way home from our honeymoon we had to stopp at President’s Choice to open up an account, so I closed it, and do my banking at one financial institution now

He told me that it was inappropriate to join a theatre company, so I joined two

He always went where he wanted to go on vacation, so I went to LA and did what I wanted to do

He tried to isolate me from my friends, so I made new ones

He stole money from people, so I decided to give some to charity (victims services)

He told me that I was too righteous, so I have been attending church and trying to figure out what is a good fit for me, as well my mom and I have started this blog

He did not want me to go to conferences, so I have attended as many as I can

He would call all the time to check up on me , so I now have an unlisted phone number and I do not freely give it out

He used to tell me that I did not know the real world.Unfortunately he introduced it to me

PLEASE TAKE A FEW MOMENTS TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR POLL : DATING AFTER ABUSE

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