March 04, 2008

I signed my divorce papers today. I did not know how I would feel so i decided to take the day off work. When I got to my lawyers office I glanced at the paper and although it stated that I was no longer married to this person, to me it said something totally different. I gave me a sense of empowerment. Although, I paid for my entire divorce, it did not matter to me. I would have paid twice that amount. Why? Because this is what I signed today.

  • Enough is enough
  • I am free from abuse and neglect
  • I have the right to be treated with respect and dignity, and will not settle for less
  • I have the right not to be verbally, emotionally and financially abused
  • I have the right to live a happy life

Life is better for me now, but it takes a long process to just feeling good about yourself again. For some it takes a long time, for others it may take a shorter time. Everyone is different. Time does heal, but it is up to you to do the work, and advocate for your own overall health. Below are some tips, that I adhered to during the first year of my separation that I found helpful:

  • Do not drink, or use prescription or illicit drugs. It only masks the pain, and you could compound your problems, rather than deal with them
  • Do not date. Try to learn about yourself, and love yourself again before bringing someone else into your life
  • Re-invent yourself. Do things that you like to do and are passionate about them
  • Educate yourself on abuse
  • Use and access services on abuse
  • Use your support systems
  • Journal and blog
  • Remember, the pain will go away in time.There is a light at the end of the tunnel
  • Allow yourself to grieve and feel pain. It will make you stronger



2 Responses to “Empowerment”

  1. Cheryl Says:

    I got my separation papers in the mail yesterday. My heart was pounding as I read them. I left from 22 yrs of mental and physical abuse that my NH has always denied or dismissed. Black eye on our wedding night, knocked my front tooth out, gave me a bloody nose…alll of this was with witness yet he was sorry and later dismissed his abuse saying I deserved it.

    He was always very shallow emotionally about himself and his family and to this day I see the resemblence in them all…anti-social behavior. They all have serious addictions…porno, drugs, & alcohol, yet it was me who would always seek counseling because this sick man convinced me that I was the problem. His sister is definitely a psychopath….she’s still tormenting and stalking her ex to the point of destruction…aggravated assault (gun), slashing his tires. Oh when does it ever end for these sick people!

    I feel as though this person rob me of all the love I had in my heart. He stole every good moment of me without giving back. I am sad that I was blinded by my love for him and thought I could make the difference and make life better but in the end when I didn’t let him have my dignity, when I claimed my sanity by his false acusations, he said he was filing for divorce (probably because I wouldn’t continue HIS game of life).

    There is hope after being abused. Peace to all of you.

  2. Connie Says:

    Hi, I just discovered your blog recently and I have read most of the post. It is amazing to see your transformation. My mother has an emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive husband and it definitely have affected their children. I now understand the resentment that I feel which makes me running away from my parents and slamming the phone down on my mom when she cries over something my father does. Now that my brother and I have grown up, my father feels like he’s losing control over us and perhaps it’s even harder for my mom now as she’s facing him alone. I love both my parents but it’s hard to see things staying the same for so many years. I wish they could have separated and learned to grow as individuals…

    She knows her own situation, but never accepts it, and therefore never does anything about it.

    Thanks for giving me a space here to vent. You sound like one amazing woman. All the best.

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