Abandoned

June 08, 2007

” I am finding the days very hard. My eyes hurt so much I cannot see to write this. I have never felt this sad in my entire life. It is a strong sense of abandonment and loneliness. The worst is at 4:30 when work is over and you realize that you have no one to come home to. I bought ten sessions of personal training so that I can keep busy. I actually have to pay people to talk to me. I don’t want to live like this. I have no one, except my mom. He is such a coward. How can you leave your wife. Because he thought I was responsible. I wanted to start my own family, instead I am probably going to be alone. I do not think this is fair. I am deeply sad. I can barely keep my eyes open they hurt so much. My circumstances are very bad. Isolating.

PLEASE TAKE A FEW MOMENTS TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR POLL: DATING AFTER ABUSE

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11 Responses to “Abandoned”

  1. whoami Says:

    I can relate to how you feel……..i’m out of work right now — and I wish i was healthy and could go to work — Just to talk to someone….anyone…………I feel so alone, lonely………………..my own family does not want to hear it and cannot relate — they keep thinking i will go back….

    …..i wish i had never met my ex-husband……….he still continues to call me telling me he misses me and “we’re meant to be together”…….however, i know this is just to get me back with him so he can destroy what little self-esteem i have built up since we’ve been apart.

    All the red flags were there…….started the relationship quickly….telling me he loved me 2 weeks after i met him…..wanted to see me day and night……..and i had just gotten out of an abusive relationship before him — he knew this and would tell me “i should be over it by now.”……and yet he abused me physically, emotionally and sexually like my previous partner.

    ……no matter how lonely, isolated i get………I WILL NOT GO BACK — i want my son to be proud of me…..to respect me………..

    …just wish i had someone to talk to…..

    • Brenda Says:

      I have been married to a sociopath for thirteen years who recently recieved a large settlement for being injured on the job. He had the money for an entire week unbeknownst to me and one day I came home and he had gone back to his home country in Czech Republic. He has a son there who hasn’t seen in 13 years but his main goal was to get on the sex sites there and meet another woman, move in with her and start spending the money on her, taking her to lavish spa resorts and travelling all over Europe. I found this out through his email account and I tried to tell her he was a married man who had abandoned his wife and left her penniless living in a camper but she refused to take heed and moved him in. I am so sorry for his son who must have been so excited to think he was going to be spending time with his dad. The only thing I heard the whole time we were together was that it was my fault that he couldn’t see his son but I tried everything to help him with his status. He had three DWI convictions and two domestic violence convictions but yet everything was always my fault. My fault was staying in it so long and now pining after him like I would just dismiss the fact that he has done this to me. He now refuses my phone calls or emails. Anyone on this site is welcome to talk to me any time. I am an expert on these feelings and I am a psychology major so this happens to people in all walks of life and professions. These people are that good at lies and manipulation. My email address is brendauhlir@gmail.com. I can tell you horror story after horror story about this life I lived and how it has totally destroyed my self-esteem and how I am working to regain a sense of self.

  2. edna Says:

    I feel like am reading my own story. just trying to accept that am abused. never thought it would happen to me. i get to be told how nasty i am, i get to watch my things destroyed, he strangles me, kicks me, abuses me and now he is sorry. i want to forgive him. what good will it do? it dont know…… i have actually forgiven him, should i go back. i worry about him i want to help him. my kids may be in danger, i know i am in danger……. going back maybe if he reforms. will this happen?

  3. mountcope Says:

    Hi Edna,
    I am sorry to hear about your situation. Since I am not a councillor, I would suggest that you call your local women’s shelter crisis lines. They are confidential and no one will know that it is you. they are there to listen to your story and give you helpful advice. You do not have to access their services to talk to them. they are experts in the field of abuse. Please call them, they helped me a lot. they are a wonderful service. take care of yourself and your children.
    Sincerely,
    Mount Cope

  4. David Rojas Says:

    I feel this way every single day. and I haven’t found any one, I’m lonely, this is killing me, I started cutting myslef. I find it funny that I’m stil alive. I’ll dead if this continues.

  5. David Rojas Says:

    I feel this way every single day. and I haven’t found any one, I’m lonely, this is killing me, I started cutting myslef. I find it funny that I’m still alive. I’ll be dead if this continues.

  6. Dooley Says:

    Cutting yourself? I laugh at you. Weakness never pays any dividends, you’re only dividing your soul.

    With the number of people out there looking for someone to love, all I can say is that you’re not making the right effort.

    You have a busy life and were comfortable for years in your relationship.
    Were mine to end tomorrow, I would not be concerned, although I would probably wonder, what I’m going to do about a family and such.

    If you’ve been left by someone, you should be grateful that they’re not fixating themselves upon you and making your life harder. People in those circumstances can easily become angry, stifled and volatile.
    Just move on! It means to go for walks. Not concern yourself with how many people you talk to. Not counting the days since you were apart from someone who doesn’t matter any longer.

    Yes it hurts, it always hurts. Death is a painful experience and when you are left in a relationship it is a similiar feeling.
    But it’s not a death, is it?
    No, they’re still alive and there’s always this glimmer of hope in the back of your head. Well, cest la vie. If you quit smoking, you’ll always want to have another smoke. You’re forever resisting the urge.

    Hiring someone to talk to doesn’t help. Instead of being emotionally drained, you’re financially drained and those hard earned dollars could easily buy you a flight to ANYWHERE.

    Jesus, given the opportunity that surrounds this planet, why not go learn another language? Let me tell you, there’s lots of folks who would love to talk to you if you’d learn their language, and you’d suddenly be a treasure whereever you were.

    But that would take effort wouldn’t it?
    The kitchen knives are so much closer than a book, a tape recorder, a camera, an airport/travel agent or just your front door.

    Everyone has loved and lost. Just cause you want to be different doesn’t make you a special case. Everybody hurts the same way.
    Everyone has the same power within themselves to utilize their emotion to a greater purpose then excrement (that is, to literally excrete the energy through whichever means your body wracks itself with).

    You are your own god.

  7. Kaylen Says:

    My husband abandoned me, and I’ve been devastated. I’ve been trying to cope and it’s definitely harder than everyone says.

    My husband did abuse me too, but not often. It was mostly emotional abuse and manipulation. He left me for a girl he found on the Internet, after I forgave him for cheating on me with a different girl from the Internet two months before.

    I can’t tell you to hang in there, because I’m barely hanging in there myself. All I can do is just keep my lungs moving.

    As to the person who cuts themselves – I used to be a cutter too. Everyone things cutters are just doing it for attention and are quick to shoot them down and “laugh” at them.

    The truth is, cutters cut because it literally feels better to put the pain on the outside rather than having it on the inside. Cutting is self destructive, but it’s not something you can just “stop” because it’s self destructive.

    You have to find it within yourself to believe that you’re not worth being self destructive and you’re better than that.

  8. gracie Says:

    i myself was abandoned recently by my husband of 19 years and left our two children behind. For all that its worth, accepting it and letting him go is the best so far..rather than keeping the relationship full of lies. A husband who uses you, abuses you and hurts you time and time again is not worth of our love and affection. Everything happened for a reason, a reason that we all must look forward to. Always believe in yourself and move forward. Something or someone out there is much much worth it.

  9. cheatbuster Says:

    You have a great blog; insightful and courageous. I have put your address on my blogroll as you have wonderful advice to share.
    http://www.cheatbuster.wordpress.com

  10. Cyndi Says:

    I recently had my abusive ex leave me. After months of being controlled ,blamed , disrespected and made to feel useless and unlovable with threats to leave me again and again I finally had my fill of the garbage and packed his bags and put him out. That was 2 months ago. I have gone on to struggle financially and have found work and my freedom. I had fallen in love with this man and he was slowly killing any love I had for him and I had spiralled into a depression I never knew was possible. I still struggle to cope with the lost of what I had wanted him to be compared to what I endured but I keep my mind firmly planted on what he truly is. Life is coming together and I am slowly healing.


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