Another World?

July 28, 2007

Today was a very difficult day, I just wanted to die. I am trying to get my finances in order and it is very difficult. I was contemplating on leaving the world because it hurts too much. My friend from work called and asked if I wanted to go dancing. I did not want to go dancing so we decided on going to a sushi bar. As soon as I walked into the sushi bar, I felt so outdated. I wore blue jeans and a black button down shirt. The girls in there were very fashionable and the bar was very trendy. I liked it . It seemed to reflect my personality more than the bar my ex used to take me to. It was refreshing sitting with other professionals that are dressed well. Maybe, there is another world out there that I have yet to tap into. I am hoping that my life will be so different in a year from now. I am so tired. I always feel drowsy. I wander if the sleeping pills are in my blood stream. It is my ex’s birthday. I never cared before, Why do I care now? I do not remember what I got him last year.

What am I missing:

• a meal at his mother’s where he would ignore me
• an evening at the bar he likes with his sister
• dinner at a restaurant where he would not talk to me and I would be constantly reading the menu.

I miss the security blanket.

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