Self Esteem Test

“Because they don’t have the self-esteem to know that there is someone amazing out there for them.
They think they might never find them”

Do you believe in yourself? Do you give yourself the credit you deserve? Self-esteem is an integral part of personal happiness, fulfilling relationships and achievement. This test is designed to evaluate your general level of self-esteem and determine whether you need to work on your self-image. Take the Self-esteem Test to find out your true sense of self.

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The Face Of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence- When Nobody Died

Recognize The Signs

A victim may exhibit the following signs:

• Obvious injuries such as bruises, black eyes, broken bones and hearing loss, often attributed to “falls,” “being clumsy,” or “accidents.”

• Clothing that is inappropriate for the season, such as long sleeves and turtlenecks, as well as wearing sunglasses and heavy makeup.

• Uncharacteristic absenteeism or lateness for work.

• Change in job performance, including poor concentration, errors, slowness, and inconsistent work quality.

• Uncharacteristic signs of anxiety and fear.

• Requests for special accommodations, such as leaving early.

• Isolation, unusual quietness, or keeping away from others.

• Emotional distress, tearfulness, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

• Minimization and denial of harassment or injuries.

• An unusual number of phone calls, faxes or emails from a current or former partner, strong reactions to those calls, and reluctance to converse or respond to phone messages.

• Insensitive or insulting messages taken by others.

• Sensitivity about home life or hints of trouble at home. Comments may include references to bad moods, anger, tempers, and alcohol or drug abuse.

• Disruptive personal visits to the workplace by present or former partner.

• Irrational or unfounded fear about losing his/her job.

• The appearance of gifts and flowers after what appears to be an argument between the couple, which may include physical violence.

An abuser may exhibit the following behavior:

• Be abusive or bully others at work.

• Blame others for problems, especially the victim.

• Deny problems.

• Show “defensive injuries” such as scratch marks.

• May or may not demonstrate violence at work.

• Is knowledgeable about the legal and social service systems and uses it to his/her advantage so it appears that he/she is the victim.

• Is absent or late related to his/her actions toward the victim or for court or jail time.

• Call victim repeatedly during work.

An abuser may be “invisible” due to exemplary job performance.

http://www.loveisnotabuse.com

Finding The Right Words

“Finding the right words to bring up a delicate subject like relationship abuse can sometimes be difficult. But once you break the ice and let someone know you are asking because you care about her and are concerned for her safety,she will probably appreciate it, even if she doesn’t say so at the time. Try not to put her on the spot. Bring it up gently, and don’t force it if she doesn’t want to talk. But keep coming back and checking in on her. Chances are, when she is ready, she will open up to you. Tell her the reasons you are asking. Maybe you saw an incident, a bruise or dismissive treatment of her. Sometimes a concrete incident is easier to talk about than an entire relationship and its problems.

• “I noticed you had bruises last week, and you look upset and tense today. What’s going on? Is someone hurting you? I’m worried about you.”
• “The way Michael treated you really concerned me. It wasn’t okay. ou don’t deserve to be treated like that—ever.”
• “Does Joe ever lose his temper with you? Does he everbecome physical? If you ever want to talk about it or need any help, I’m here for you.”

http://www.loveisnotabuse.com

A Friend In Need

“You might think that something as simple as talking to a friend about abuse couldn’t possibly make a difference. But it really can. just knowing that someone cares enough to ask about the abuse can break through the wall of isolation that can exist around victims of relationship abuse. If you think a friend or loved one is being abused, talk to her about it. Listen to her. Let her know you care. You don’t have to be an expert. You just need to be a friend.

• Gently ask direct questions about her situation. Give her time to talk. Ask again a few days later. Don’t rush into providing solutions.
• Listen without judging. Often battered woman believes her abuser’s negative messages about herself. She may feel responsible, ashamed, inadequate and afraid she will be judged by you.
• Tell her the abuse is not her fault. Explain that physical or emotional abuse in a relationship is never acceptable. There’s no excuses for it- not alcohol or drugs, financial pressure, depression, jealousy nor any behavior of hers.
• Emphasize that when she wants help, it is available. Let her know that domestic violence tends to get worse and become more frequent with time and that it rarely goes away on  its own.
• Explain that relationship abuse is a crime and that she can seek protection from the police or courts as well as help from a local domestic violence program.
• Work with her to identify resources to help her take care of herself, get emotional support and build her self-esteem.
• If she decides to leave her relationship, she may need money, assistance finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings or a ride to a women’s shelter.  Think about ways you might feel comfortable helping her.
• If you want to talk with someone yourself to get advice about a particular situation, contact a local domestic violence program.

Once you have  brought the subject up, bring it up again. try not to get frustrated if you reach out to a friend and she stays with her batterer or goes back to hi,. Ending any relationship is a process that takes time. Ending a violent relationship is even harder. Usually, the victim fears for her life. She may also want her children  to grow up with a father. Perhaps her self esteem is so damaged that she thinks she can’t make it on her own or she believes her abuser when he tells her the abuse is her fault. Or she just wants the violence to end, not the relationship.”

From:  http://www.loveisnotabuse.com