May 13, 2008
Today, I felt a sense of “calm.” I feel a sense of freedom that I have not felt in years. I am so happy that I opened up to those around me and told them exactly how I was feeling. I now have hope. In the past, I tried everything to feel better and was able to abstained from alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. I have tried running, meditation, journaling, reading, counseling, and support groups, but it was like I was missing an important ingredient, “medicine”. I think, that it comes a point that it is merely clinical, and requires treatment. It is like a bacteria infection that requires treatment in order to get better. I want to move on and put the past behind me. I wonder, if I had been treated for clinical depression when I was married, I probably would have left sooner than I did. I have started to see things a bit more clearly, without the “emotional fogginess”. I have not cried in 4 days now, and it feels great. However, I do feel a little dizzy at times from the medication, and a bit nauseous, but that will pass once my body gets adjusted to it. I thought that I would share some of the signs of clinical depression. If you experience any of these symptoms, you should speak to a Health Care Provider.
Common Symptoms
of Clinical Depression
There are different forms of clinical depression with different combinations of the following symptoms:
Physical:
- Sleep disturbances-insomnia, oversleeping, waking much earlier than usual
- Changes in appetite or eating: much more or much less
- Decreased energy, fatigue
- Headaches, stomachaches, digestive problems or other physical symptoms that are not explained by other physical conditions or do not respond to treatment
Behavioral/Attitude:
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed, such as going out with friends, hobbies, sports, sex, etc.
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
- Neglecting responsibilities or personal appearance
Emotional:
- Persistent sad or “empty” mood, lasting two or more weeks
- Crying “for no reason”
- Feeling hopeless, helpless, guilty or worthless
- Feeling irritable, agitated or anxious
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Source: University Health Center
http://www.uhs.berkeley.edu/lookforthesigns/clinicaldepression.shtml#common
She Called It "Mount Cope" 
May 15, 2008 at 1:29 am
Thank you for taking the time to write how you feel. I was deeply touched by your writing. Maybe this blog will encourage other women to write about their fears, triumphs and victories.
I was severly depressed after I lost my job and my home because of the housing market. With prayer, I realized that I was still breathing and not dead. There was hope.
4 months after I discovered a way out. This opportunity is allowing me to follow all my childhood dreams with all the material, spiritual, and physical wealth I want. I live in abundance and prosperity again. Please take a look at my profile and click on my website to learn more.
Best wishes,
Suziann 🙂
May 15, 2008 at 12:23 pm
HI Mount Cope. I find myself looking forward to your progress, and your posts. I’m so happy that you are feeling better. I don’t feel depressed, I just feel incredibly distracted, although, I do suffer from some of those symptoms. Am I in denial? I am very active, as a fitness instructor, and that is a good thing, but I haven’t felt “rested” in months. I am currently still battling divorce because my husband will not relinquish control, and as is said of narcissists – will stop at nothing until I am “destroyed.” His behavior is so erratic, makes no sense…I find that the legal process in this matter makes no sense. I’m being so tested. Ironically, I AM the only one that has the best interest of the children at true heart ( a heart that is breaking, btw) and all he is doing is trying to make me look like I am not a good mother. He told me he would do this – get amnesia, as to what a good mother I have been. I’ve registered for school, because I have to now get a job (I’ve been at home for 9 years) which is fine, I have always wanted to pursue other things, he just never would support it. So, not only have I been abused emotionally the entire length of our marriage, I continue to be abused MORE SEVERELY, in trying to exit. I hate to sensationalize and scream “victim!” “victim!” But my God, he is a terrorist. My attorneys see it, I think his even does, but he keeps delaying everything so I can’t get in front of a judge and settle this. It’s all about CONTROL. It’s the scariest thing I have ever had to deal with. I want to live my life, be productive, talk to my friends about normal things..but nothing is normal. NOTHING! Thank YOU for making me feel like I am not alone…Thank YOU for being vulnerable in your posts. It is helping. You keep getting better. I’ve got my eyes on you for encouragement, okay??
Namaste