Professional Women – Emotional Abuse

3 Responses to “Professional Women – Emotional Abuse”

  1. emotional abuse Says:

    A good relationship involves respect, trust and acceptance. Healthy relationship starts on friendship. Keeping secrets is not acceptable in a relationship. A healthy relationship is open to all possibilities of changes and not afraid of difficulties along the way.

  2. Kathleen Reichert Says:

    oh my God, I have had my ahhh moment…I have been in an abusive relationship mfor the last 17 years. I called my best friend and she said little and let me do the talking. I have allowed myself to allow this .I have tried talking to him and he just apologizes for it! I have wanted to end my life over what he says to me! I can’t believe I could allow this. wHAT HAPPPENED TO ME??? iI forgave his drug abuse at 10 years and he thinks I don’t forgive him. It pains me more that he set this example for our girls. I realized now that it is so completly not healthy! I am in complete anguish over what he has said…I have asked him to stop but he does not. I know this is not normal…no woman or mother should be spoken to like this. help me please…I am distraught with guilt and confusion!

  3. Jennifer N. Says:

    Kathleen, thank you SO much for the comment you posted. I, too, have been clueless to the fact that my husband of 16 years has been emotionally abusing me since before we were married. It is so hard to talk to anyone about it because he has always put his best foot forward on the rare occasions that he attended gatherings with my family, so they don’t know what he’s really like to live with. I grew up witnessing my mother routinely beaten by her boyfriend, so I never considered myself a victim of domestic abuse…his has been a long series of subtle attacks against my psyche. I always knew something was wrong but could never quite put my finger on it. In the beginning his barstool and single buddies were his priority and his clear preference over his new wife and baby. But years later when we moved away (from my support system) he had no friends and came right home after work…and still managed to avoid engaging with us by pouring his attention into the TV. I would plan outings for us and he would occasionally allow me to drag him away from his ‘true love’ but he made it clear that he was only complying to get me off his ass. I never know if it will be the nice guy or the a-hole who will be coming home on any given evening. Despite the fact that I always out-earned him, he insists that I not work so money is a constant struggle…and when I did work he would waste every penny I earned and would not allow me to open my own separate bank.account, so I have never been able to save even a few thousand dollars that would allow me to leave him. He also would do things to make me late for work, like start an argument and stand blocking the doorway so I could not get out of the house, and he would also call me at work several times a day. He has no interest in my thoughts or ideas, and no matter what I accomplish he can only criticize me, even if there is no cause…like he’ll say, “look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do but just tell Marty to handle it because I don’t want you to f*#% it up.” Mind you, I owned my own home before I met him, had perfect credit, a nice chunk in my 401K , and a brand new car. By 21, I already had more in life than either of my paren and I earned it all on my own. When I found out I was pregnant after seeing him on and off for a couple of years, I told him I could raise the baby myself and wouldn’t come after him for support. It was his idea to get married, he said he wanted us to be a family. Naturally I wanted better for my child than the single mother situation I grew up in, so I said yes. He started going to the bar after work and coming home late and drunk every night two days after we brought our newborn (preemie) home from the hospital. After all these years, I wonder why I didn’t just kick him to the curb right then, and saved myself years of pain and misery. Now after over 16 years of the constant erosion of my self image, I am a shadow of the girl I used to be. I doubt I could even keep a job now because I have such severe anxiety that some days I can’t leave the house, and since my skills have gone unused I wonder if I could even find a job in my career, which I miss very much. I can hardly keep up with my life, thanks to some ritualistic OCD behavior I picked up along this ‘wonderful journey’ with him ,whih consumes a good deal of my days. I swear, the only reason he even still wants me is because I lucked out genetically and look at least 15 years younger than I am and have a slim physique. I was overweight for a few years after the kids were born he was even more rotten to me then. As soon as I started turning heads again he was so nice to me for a few months!

    A few years ago, a guy who I was once close friends with (completely platonic) committed suicide a day after sending me a message on Facebook. My husband knew him too. In fact, I met my husband at a partyt this guy’s apartment. I was devastated. My grief was amplified by the fact that I sensed somethi.g was wro.g but didn’t take the time to call him and talk, and also by the many years I had let pass without seeing him (starting from when I got married of course) . Instead of giving me comfort, my husband was angry and impatient and he forced me to hide my grief in his presence -in my own home- because he wasn’t 100% convinced that nothing ever happened between me and my friend. I loved him like a brother, no more and no less. But I was not allowed to discuss my friend at all , or else t he anger would seethe from his head and hang over the room like a storm cloud. At any rate , like any habitual abuser after banishing me to the garage for a month to cry my eyes out in peace, the remorse and heartfelt apologies came. And like any victim caught in the cycle of abuse, I bought this act for the ten millionth time, believing that if he had it to do over again he would have given me his big, strong shoulder to cry on instead of the cold shoulder. So yesterday I found out a man I was once involved with died a month ago. The obituary only said, “after a brief illness”. He was 54. This man was the only man who treated me with unwavering respect and kindness. I was just out of high school when we met and we later learned there was a 14 year age difference between us, which bothered him a lot more than me. We dated exclusively for 2 years and eventually parted ways with no animosity, not even a disagreement. But there was an unfortunate misunderstanding.,that caused our breakup, and I was deeply broken-hearted by it for a long time.  I learned a few years ago that he never married and had no significant relationships after me. The person who told me this said it was because he never found another girl he loved like me, but I wasn’t sure if he was being serious or just kidding. Anyway, I did always believe we would find our way back to one another someday, once my kids were grown and this horrible marriage was over. (My husband knows none of this – I have never been allowed to bring up the topic of exes with him.). So anyway, I am of course very shaken and upset by the news of his passing. My husband is working out of state for a few days so I sent him a text message explaining that an old boyfriend of mine passed away who I hadn’t seen in over 20 years, and explained that he was older and was very nice to me when we dated. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide my grief and didn’t want to be accused of keeping secrets. Here was his big chance to make up for poorly handling my grief when my friend killed himself…
    …and his response was (direct quote), “Grieve or do whatever you have to do. I don’t want to talk about it or hear about it.” When I told him he needed s blow up doll and not a wife, he told me it was time for him to move out because neither one of us is willing or able to each other’s needs.
    IT’S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME.


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