January 01, 2008
Thank goodness it is 2008, and I have made it through 2007. I will always remember 2007, as the year from hell. I am happy that they are having “fun”. I wish that one day, I can put this behind me and not feel angry, hurt or sad. A new year means new beginnings. I can honestly say that starting over is a really hard thing to do, especially when my whole entire world revolved around him. I have learned some valuable lessons throughout my journey. The most important on is to follow your gut instinct and be aware of the red flags. I wish 7 years ago, I had not called him and that I should of broke it off when I was sitting on his mothers chair outside, after I broke my ankle. I stayed too long, that was a huge mistake, but it could have been a lot worse, I could have had children with him. One day I want to recapture my identity, and be a happy person like I was 7 years ago. I sometimes think that I could be that happy person, if I met someone. I think that I would probably feel swept off my feet and living in the honeymoon phase. But I am to vulnerable right now, and would probably ignore the red flags. All relationships can be wonderful at first, but very deceiving at the same time. I think it shows more strength to choose not to date until I have put the past behind me. I think that I would attract the same type of guy. On the other hand, I am also realizing that it is a “couples” society and there seems to be a stigma around being single, like there is something wrong with me. To be honest, I have not been single for 15 years, I think that is the problem. I went from one bad relationship to the next, and each one got worse and worse. I admit that I miss having a partner, and sometimes I think that he has won because he has a partner. Why do I think that? I am an attractive, athletic, and well educated, yet I feel that all the decent men are all gone, and that I am going to stay single the rest of my life. Why do I think like this? Well, some positive things happened this year that I would like to share:
How I Changed In 2007
– He gave me a hard time about going back to school to obtain a Ph.D, so I did
– He told me that it was inappropriate to go dancing with friends, so I do. In fact a few of my friends who have been through difficult times, used to dance at lunch
– He told me that I could not spend money, that going to Tim Horton is something I don’t need. Now I go to Tim Horton’s twice a day
– He said that I like to spend and spend, so I bought myself a condo that no one can take away from me
– He tried to ruin me financially, so I cleaned up the mess with some help and am now debt free
– On the way home from our honeymoon we had to stopp at President’s Choice to open up an account, so I closed it, and do my banking at one financial institution now
– He told me that it was inappropriate to join a theatre company, so I joined two
– He always went where he wanted to go on vacation, so I went to LA and did what I wanted to do
– He tried to isolate me from my friends, so I made new ones
– He stole money from people, so I decided to give some to charity (victims services)
– He told me that I was too righteous, so I have been attending church and trying to figure out what is a good fit for me, as well my mom and I have started this blog
– He did not want me to go to conferences, so I have attended as many as I can
– He would call all the time to check up on me , so I now have an unlisted phone number and I do not freely give it out
– He used to tell me that I did not know the real world.Unfortunately he introduced it to me
PLEASE TAKE A FEW MOMENTS TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR POLL : DATING AFTER ABUSE
She Called It "Mount Cope" 
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