Starting Over Is Hard

July 04, 2008

I get so angry some days. How is it fair that he moves on and adopts a new family and maintains his current lifestyle and friends, whereas I have to start over. I moved to a new location, had to meet new people and had to learn how to date all over again. He has to do none of the above. I think starting over is hard. I have done a lot in a year and learned a lot about myself, but I get so angry sometimes because I did not plan for my life to turn out this way. I thought that I would be married and by now and have a family of my own. I did not think that I would be single again in my thirties. I see everyone else around me with children of their own and loving husbands. What did I do to deserve this? I followed the traditional path. I fell in love and got married and the next logical step would have been to have children. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that I did not have children with him, I am just terrified that I will be single all of my life. I have been on 12 dates and none of them matched my criteria. I know now what I am looking for and decided not to settle and follow my gut instinct for the first time. I am trying to change my behaviour, because “if I keep doing what I have always done I will always get what I always got.” I would rather be single then be in another abusive relationship. I now find dating very time consuming and sometimes frustrating. Why can’t it be like the movies, you meet “Prince Charming” right away and you live happily ever after, although that would be nice, its not reality? Recently, my ex-boyfriend of three months wrote me a letter telling me how much he loved me and wanted me back. Can you see the red flags? It is impossible to fall in love after 3 months; it is merely infatuation or romantic love. I did not respond to his letter. This is a new journey, one that I do not care to travel at this point in my life. Maybe if I was younger. Oh well, I hope that he will have to take this journey in the future and know what it feels like. For me, I just take each day as it comes