“You Have Failed!”

July 27, 2008

I came across this letter the other day that my ex wrote me a year after we were married. You see I was going to leave him because I could not take it anymore. My life was a nightmare. He was always giving me a hard time about everything. I did nothing right. But it was my education that was the biggest bone of contention with him. Though my Master’s was funded through a bursary and I was bringing in money through contract work it just wasn’t enough for him. That first year of my nightmare started when he took all our wedding money, and continued as he would discuss with all his friends and colleagues how he had to support me. How I thought I was “too good” to work at McDonald’s to help him out. That “his financial burden” was getting too much for him. How do I know? He would tell me. He was constantly trying to make me feel bad, especially about school. I was always so afraid to ask him for money, that I started to ask my parents to help with my car payments. When my thesis was delayed, I was literally afraid to go home. I would not be able to “contribute” in the manner he wanted me to now for several months. I knew that my life was about to get worse. And it did. I had to leave. But as you read this, as with everything, he was able to twist everything around and once again I was wrong and it was all my fault.

” Dear _____

I’m writing this letter to you with great and deep sorrow. I feel don’t know the women I married last year. The commitments that we made together seem to have no meaning. The one who promised to work at this relationship and discuss issues and opinions openly has failed me. I reach out to you with my hand and there’s no hand to hold. I want to speak to you and you turn me away. As a result I feel that I’ve been left alone, cold, lost, empty, dead. Since our marriage is a partnerships, one that needs to be nurtured and managed from day 1. there should not be any barriers or issues that both parties should be aware of. An open relationship will foster better trust, communication, planning and a healthy relationship. I’ve always wanted to provide you with everything that I could and the best of what life has to offer both now and in the future. I want to support you in every way I can. While I do realize that you are going through a difficult time in your life. I know that your a very capable person and feel that you have lot to offer life. I’ve always tried to support you through your endeavors.It saddens me that you don’t consider me to be your security blanket.

To date I feel that the one issue that is the biggest barrier to this relationship is money. the inability to openly discuss this issue has created an atmosphere of mistrust, deceit, two vastly different opinions and goals and two people working not together but alone to move forward in their lives. I feel that we need to break this barrier and set goals and objectives and work together rather than each alone with no “team direction”

I do love you with all my heart and I did take an oath to you on our wedding day. I do love you for better or worse, in sickness and health. I trust you and believe in you and all you abilities. If you can find it in your heart to trust me and be open you will find that I am loyal to you and want you to be successful. Please forgive me for causing you any pain or suffering you may feel. I want nothing to come between us and have no problem that can’t be solved.

Love Forever Your Husband


3 Responses to ““You Have Failed!””

  1. thinkingwoman1 Says:

    Wow! my journey is only just beginning. I wish I’d found your site earlier. What an inspiration! It is a horrid, horrid situation we find ourselves in and one which I never thought I would have to endure. But we are survivors. Good on us! Reading your site I was jumping up and down saying “yes! yes! that’s what happened to me. That’s what MY husband says to me!!”

  2. Merrill Tanner Says:

    I am so sorry you had to live with a man like this. This abusive pattern is so common. Why was it so hard for us to see through it? But once you do see it, it seems so obvious. But others still don’t see it, they are still sucked in. Others don’t believe that this happened to you, don’t quite understand that. My husband fooled me for so long why am I surprised that he can fool others that know him less well?

  3. lifeswayz Says:

    Money can cause some real problems in relationships especially if you do not openly work together with what you both earn. When you get marrried you are one in everything and that includes financial better or worse. Your relationship is worth more than anything materalistic. Men often feel theratened when their wves earn more than what they do, or less than what they should. Fun with Dick and Jane is the best movie depicting this fact.watch it!….

    Deep and thought provoking Post thanks X

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