My Heart Hurts Again

I ask myself, why am I so upset? I was leaving to go to work yesterday and pulled out of the condo driveway, and my ex-husband passed me driving his girlfriend’s car. We looked directly at each other. I have spent the last year running away from him and staying away from places that he frequents, and I see him in front of my house, which is 2 hours away. I cannot get this image out of my head. I was happy yesterday and did not even think about him, and when I least expect it, I see him. I have tried everything to erase this memory. I went running, biking, and walking and spoke to a friend. It is driving me insane. I did not die, and did not roll up into a little ball and cry. I am just so angry, that he is in my territory and driving her car. I should not care. Why should I care? it is better that I am away from him and no longer with him. But I guess, it still bothers me that he did not suffer like I did, and he is not alone like I am. He went from one relationship, directly to another without any remorse. Where is he going? Why is he here? He looks like he is having fun. This was my “safe” place to heal. Why did this happen to me, I was doing so well. My heart hurts again

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One Response to “My Heart Hurts Again”

  1. Linda Says:

    I know exactly how you feel. You voiced exactly how I’ve felt since my breakup. “It still bothers me that he did not suffer like I did, and he is not alone like I am… without remorse.”

    My ex came to town on business. It was excruciating having him here. However I tried to make the best of it and offered an olive branch so we could try and repair the damage. His reply was to tell me he couldn’t see me and how happy he was with his new girl.

    I found a poem by Dorothy Parker that described the pain of his proximity:

    Distance

    Were you to cross the world, my dear,
    To work or love or fight,
    I could be calm and wistful here,
    And close my eyes at night.

    It were a sweet and gallant pain
    To be a sea apart;
    But, oh, to have you down the lane
    Is bitter to my heart.

    Dorothy Parker


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