The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Where am I now….

Well it has been a long time, so I thought that I would provide an update in my journey of healing. I thought that after 2 and half years since my separation that I would be able to move on and forget everything that happened to me, but that was not the case. I also thought, like depicted in the movies, that my prince charming would come and save me from my pain. That also did not happen. Instead, I have had to persevere and continue my journey of healing. I realized that healing is a continuous process with many stages. In the beginning, I was trying to survive one minute at a time, then I went through the grieving stages, namely denial, angry, sad, and I am finally in acceptance and moving on with my life. This took a lot of hard work and determination to survive. I now no longer talk about the past, but am trying to change my way of thinking about my present circumstances and the future. It is now about me, and not about him.

I am seeing a psychologist on a regular basis and using social cognitive behavioral therapy, which is the most effective method for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression. It focuses on changing the way you think. Instead of looking at the glass half empty, this type of therapy teaches you how to look at the glass half full. I am also seeing a Psychiatrist. I never thought in a million years that I would ever see a Psychiatrist. I remember, when I first walked in his office, I asked him where the men were with straight jackets to take me a way. No one came to take me away; rather the Psychiatrist gave me some resources that I needed to become mentally healthy again. I used to think that it was a weakness seeking help from a Psychiatrist, but now I think it was strength of mine to seek the most appropriate help that I needed to feel like myself again. After several sessions, I have been feeling better each day both mentally and physically. I now know that healing takes time, it is not a light switch that you are able to turn off, and instead healing is a process with many stages. So, I have now learned to now take a deep breath and give myself permission to heal with no time limits.

Take Care,

Mount Cope

Abuse In Youth Dating

by: Elizabeth Olson

NY Times

She was 17 when she met her boyfriend, and 20 when she died at his hands. In between, Heather Norris tried several times to leave the relationship, which was fraught with control and abuse, before she was killed — stabbed, dismembered and discarded in trash bags.

Her death in 2007 in Indianapolis is one of several stemming from abuse in teenage dating relationships that have spurred states and communities to search for new ways to impress on adolescents — and their parents and teachers — the warning signs of dangerous dating behavior and what actions are not acceptable or healthy.

Texas recently adopted a law that requires school districts to define dating violence in school safety codes, after the 2003 stabbing death of Ortralla Mosley, 15, in a hallway of her Austin high school and the shooting death of Jennifer Ann Crecente, 18, two years ago. Rhode Island in 2007 adopted the Lindsay Ann Burke Act — prompted by the murder of a young woman by a former boyfriend — requiring school districts to teach students in grades 7 through 12 about dating abuse.

New York recently expanded its domestic violence law to allow victims, including teenagers in dating relationships, to obtain a restraining order against an abuser in family court rather than having to seek help from the criminal justice system. Legislators were moved to act after a survey by the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene showed that dating violence had risen by more than 40 percent since 1999, when the department began asking students about the problem.

Although there are no definitive national studies on the prevalence of abuse in adolescent relationships, public health research indicates that the rate of such abusive relationships has hovered around 10 percent. Experts say the abuse appears to be increasing as more harassment, name-calling and ridicule takes place among teenagers on the Internet and by cellphone.

“We are identifying teen dating abuse and violence more than ever,” said Dr. Elizabeth Miller, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the School of Medicine at the University of California, Davis, who began doing research on abuse in teenage dating relationships nearly a decade ago.   read more …

“If You Are In An Abusive Relationship”

If it happens to you, you might feel…
…that you’re all alone.
You’re not alone. Other teens and adults have experienced abuse and violence in dating relationships. They mostly report suffering emotional and sexual violence. Friends, other family members, neighbors, social workers, teachers or school counsellors, doctors and other service providers are all possible sources of help. There are also many community resources available to help you. At the back of this booklet, you will find some ideas about sources of help.
…that you’re worthless, ugly, stupid or unlovable.
You’re not. You’re a normal person who had a bad experience. You have the power to move on from it. And you have the right to have a healthy, happy relationship.
…that you can’t tell anyone.
You can tell someone. Pick a person you trust, such as a friend, neighbour, family member, teacher, counselor, or community services staff person. If that person does not listen or understand, tell a different person. It’s okay to ask for help. Silence and acceptance will only lead to further abuse.
…that it’s your fault.
Abuse is not your fault, even if your dating partner may want you to think it is. People make their own choices. Your abuser made the choice to abuse you. But you do not deserve to be abused. Nobody does. You deserve to be treated with respect.
…that you’ll accept the abuse so you can keep the relationship.
Abuse is never acceptable. Once abuse starts, it almost never stops by itself. In fact, abuse and violence almost always get more frequent and more severe if you allow them to continue. Sometimes you might think it is more important to have a relationship than to be safe. But
abuse and violence are never acceptable. They grind you down and eventually destroy you.
…that the abuse means your abuser loves you.
Abuse is not love. Abuse is about wanting power over another person. It is about control. If your partner is jealous or possessive and cuts off your contact with friends, that is about control. If your partner tells you what to do, hurts you or forces you to have sex, that is about control. It is not love. Love is not about anger, jealousy, or fear. Love is about friendship, respect, accepting and encouraging one another.
…that your abuser was stressed or intoxicated, so it doesn’t count.
Abuse is abuse no matter what. Stress, alcohol, drugs or any other factors do not take away a person’s responsibility for his or her choices and behaviour. Many people have stress or use
alcohol and drugs but they do not abuse others.

Child Alberta