A Basic Need

May 04, 2008

I did not realize that this world is such a couple orientated society. Everything from going out to dinner, movies, weekend getaways is marketed toward couples. If you are not a part of this “society”, you are very limited in what you can do, and often feel isolated. It is like you are being punished for a crime that you did not commit. I often hear from a person that being single is like a death sentence. Other people may argue this point, especially those who have never experienced the single life, and say that there is nothing wrong with being single, and that you don’t need a man. This primitive ideology is true, but society and your hormones tell a different story. One of our basic needs is sex and touch. This cannot be fulfilled without sharing yourself with someone else. You don’t feel like a woman, when this is taken from you. But on the other hand you don’t want to give it away to just anyone. There is no easy answer, and this argument is not easily understood unless you have experienced being single again after a long relationship. Because of my experiences, I want my ex to suffer as much as I have. But I know, that this will never be the case. I blame him for everything. I also realize that anger is a very poisonous thing that can only be conquered by forgiveness. I have been told that once you forgive, you will finally be at peace. That is great, but how do you get there?

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3 Responses to “A Basic Need”

  1. kweenmama Says:

    Give it some time. I, too, was a victim of emotional abuse. Now, having been out of the marriage for a little over five years, I can look back on many of my painful experiences in the marriage and laugh about them. Healing will come…be patient. Starting a forgiveness journal helped me, perhaps it will help you.

  2. Susan Says:

    Very interesting points indeed. You are very insightful..and I share your views on the subject. I really don’t know how you reach that point or place regarding the need for intimacy and touch. I agree wholeheartedly, that it is a double edged sword. Just being physical will not allay the innate drive we have for intimacy, although some people are more than eager to go there…I think it is more about a connection on a mental/spiritual level that truly feeds us..and well, let’s face it…that is few and FAR between. On forgiveness, I do not think that to forgive someone, means that you condone what they did. I think it is a simple acknowledgement of accepting what happened, releasing it from letting it own you. This will be your own journey, as you know…you can’t go through the motions..forgiveness is a committment to yourself, and it has to be felt and it has to be sincere. Now, having said that..it is not an outward..”I must call him and absolve him.” No, I don’t believe that, it is a release for you, so that you no longer hold the grudge or animosity. This happened, and we will be better and stronger, and smarter, and more compassionate towards others because of it. Don’t force it, Mount Cope, but give yourself permission to grow from it. He is only human, and I doubt he even realizes what he has done to you. I wish I had magic words for you and myself, but I don’t. I do honor the time that it takes, however..so be kind to yourself during your metamorphasis, but be very mindful of the wolf that you feed. p.s….your posts are very cathartic for me..so see!!! You are doing a great work. Don’t sell yourself short.

  3. Am Matthews Says:

    Susan you hit it right on the head. I totally agree and can’t really add to it. Well said!!!!

    Yes you are doing great work here Mount Cope thank you! ~ Amy


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