August 11, 2007
Today started off on a good note somewhat, after the drive to work. I tried so hard not to look to the left, when driving. I was so nervous that I would pass by him again. I had an appointment at the bank. She wanted a signed separation agreement so I was not approved for the loan. After talking to the lawyer at Woman’s Place I doubt if I will be approved. I called my lawyer’s assistant and expressed how disappointed I am that they do not return any of my calls and at that point I felt empowered. I then spoke with my abuse councillor and felt better. I then went and spoke with the lawyer at Woman’s Place. She was very direct, and basically said that I was in control of the process and that my lawyer has been waiting for me to give him my financial statement. I felt like I am getting slapped in the face time and time again. It is only about assets. Forget about the scars he inflicted and the affair. They do not mean anything. I am so tired of people being blunt with me. It is easy for people to say things without considering the impact. People do not understand. I lived with this person for 7 years. They did not marry this person, I did! This nightmare is not going away. I feel like I keep getting shot down, over and over again. Will something good ever happen? I have suffered enough. Or will it get worse? I am not very optimistic.I am starting to get used to this. I wish that my mom would think before she speaks sometimes. Her comments are sometimes hurtful. Like you need to complete your financial statement, he has moved on with his life. I do not want to hear that. I felt my heart sink into my stomach. I spend time with my abuse councillor trying to understand and put things into perspective. Comments like that make me revert back. They are too strong and direct! I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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