Coping With Isolation In An Abusive Relationship

Abusive Relationships – How to Recognize and Cope with the Isolation in an Abusive Relationship
Isolation is one of the mechanisms used to create and maintain domination of one person over another.

Evolution of Isolation in Abusive Relationships

It often evolves so gradually that you don’t realize it’s happening until you wake-up one day and notice you have no friends and your contact with your own family has vanished. Now the funny thing is that as your icy isolation is being groomed, you’re conditioned to believe that it is “good for you.” (There’s that conditioning, again.)

You’re told things like this person is not worthy of your company, that person is undesirable to your partner, another poses a threat to your relationship. There are as many reasons for you not to have people in your life, other than your partner, as there were people in you life before the abusive relationship.

And when you internalize your partner’s perception of his/her preferences with respect to the people being walled out of your life, you are rewarded. Sometimes this reward maybe in the form of a positive gesture by your partner. Or, it may present as the absence of a previously negative spill of verbal emotional abuse when you failed to comply with the walling off of this particular person.

How This Isolation Serves Your Partner.

There are several ways in which your isolation serves your partner and helps maintain the abuse in your relationship.

a) Your isolation creates a relationship climate of dependence, as there are no other adults in your personal orbit other than your partner.
b) Your isolation creates an exterior shield of silence regarding the abuse in your home.
c) Your isolation serves to silence you from yourself with respect to your abusive relationship.

What You Can Do to Overcome Icy Isolation of an Abusive Relationship.

If you are in an abusive relationship, the “other” people falling out of your personal orbit may very well be your first tip-off that something is not right at home. When you notice yourself participating in the narrowing of your personal social circle, take a hard and honest look at all of the defining characteristics of abusive relationships.

If your relationship has progressed and you see yourself in many ways “stuck” or merely trying to work things out with your partner, make a personal commitment to yourself to keep at least one channel of contact with someone near and dear open always, even if you have to do so secretly. This person could be your lifeline in a time of need.

For more information about the dynamics of abusive relationships, visit and claim your free Survivor Success Tips & eInsights. If you want to know all of the defining characteristics of abusive relationships, see the Intimate Partner Abuse Screen. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. ©2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.




6 Responses to “Coping With Isolation In An Abusive Relationship”

  1. solascriptura57 Says:

    Hi. I’m a new blogger here and would like to link to this page (need to find out how to do that though.) My daughter recently died. She was in an abusive relationship and was trying to get out when she passed. Unfortunately she had been using pain pills as an escape, and overdosed. I want to read more about this on your pages as well. I feel it was the abuse that was the root cause of her death, the pills just a symptom. I’d like to hear from you. Thanks!


    • mountcope Says:


      I am so very sorry to hear of your daughters passing. It is very tragic and I can’t imagine what you are going through.
      I feel privileged you have taken a few minutes to read a bit on Mount Cope. Blogging has been very therapeutic for us, and hopefully it has helped someone in an abusive relationship. You mentioned you are new to blogging, do you have a blog? Can you send me the link or the blogs name and I will link it on mine. If you need any help blogging , WordPress has a great support system. Just click on the HELP button, top right of your Dashboard and either try to find the answer in the Forum or just click on support and they are a great help or I will help you any way I can. Take care


  2. Dr. Jeanne King Says:

    Hi, I am the author of the article “Abusive Relationships – How to Recognize and Cope with the Isolation in an Abusive Relationship” posted here. We would like to offer you additional support and resources for your healing as well as for your other visitors.

    Please let me know if we can contribute further. We have over 200 articles and 8 ebooks, videos and more….all on domestic abuse dynamics, healing and legal social politics in divorce.

    Some resources and links for sharing below:
    this page displays links that make it easy for sharing.

    to see a sample of our articles, visit our blog

    I look forward to hearing from you and do hope you will allow us to continue to contribute to your efforts to end domestic abuse.

    Regards, Dr. King

  3. Dr. Jeanne King Says:

    first paragraph of my last comment was actually intend for solascriptura57… in response to her comment. so very sorry for your loss. dr king

  4. Mariana Lopez Says:

    Hi. I was looking for articles, trying to gather up the nerve to finally leave my boyfriend or cope with being isolated. I’m 17 years old, and I’ve been in this rationship for about nine months with a guy that I’ve known since I was a freshman. The warning signs were there even when I was giving him relationship advice in the fork of him complaining that his girlfriend got mad at being called an attention whore and things like that. But I ignored them, thinking that she might have done something to deserve it, stupidly.
    When we started out, those friends that were friends of hers and mine warned me that he was abusive and mean, and I blew off the warnings because I thought it was just because they hated each other. He’s not mean… He’s really sweet and takes care of me, but he’s really controlling. I can’t wear makeup, he calls my music disgusting, if I watch a horror movie, he calls me dumb, I can’t wear what I want, he gets mad if I go out with my family, he won’t let me hang out with my friends, he refuses to let me so much as TALK to my best friend, he went through and deleted contacts from my phone and constantly reminds me that I used to be cheap and trashy and accuse me of slutting around before we were together. I’ve tried to leave him before, but I fell apart. I have no more friends, I can’t be without him. I feel dirty trying to leave him, since our relationship has been sexual, and I’ve promised time and again, that I’d never leave him, because I love him, because I don’t want him to be upset, and because I really wish I could. I know I can’t, though, but I don’t know how to get out.
    Do you have any suggestions for me or other girls on how to get out of a controlling relationship?

    • YouAreFearfullyAndWonderfullyMade Says:

      Dear Mariana Lopez,

      My dear, you are only 17yrs old that is one of your strongest weapons to escape this torment. Talk to your family about this. Finish High School and go to a college far from him and cut off ALL communication from him. Even if only for a semester. The reason why you are feeling horrible when you leave him is because he still has influence over you via phone calls, texts, close access to visiting you etc… The voice in your head telling you, you’re “dirty” when you leave him are his words NOT YOURS or anyone else’s. You my dear are CLEAN and BEAUTIFUL! That is why he wants you so desperately and will do what he can to keep you. YOU ARE THE DIAMOND and he wants you all to himself.
      You have resources in your family, the guidance counselor & your friends at school. Even if you haven’t spoken to them in a while they will be there still. You even have an ally in the girls who warned you before. Reach out to them. Don’t believe his lies. You have support, you have friends believe me, they are just waiting for you to rally the troops! You are Strong and Beautiful, you can do this.
      The voices in your head WILL DISAPPEAR once you are away from his influences. Trust me I KNOW! I’ve been there. The first few days are rough because his voice in your head is still loud and will do all it can to flood you with guilt. It’s only temporary. I promise you IT WILL FADE within the first week or two. As his abusive words begin to fade YOUR TRUE VOICE the one he has drowned out by his evil words will become LOUDER and STRONGER. After the first week or two (possibly even less than that if you keep yourself busy with friends and activities even reading or better yet watching those movies and dancing to the music YOU LOVE) Believe me I KNOW, I’ve been there. You will feel the weight lifting off your shoulders and it will feel SO GOOD! You will feel your sense of self rising back inside you and it will feel like you’re being born all over again. It’s a wonderful experience once you begin finding yourself again. You will begin to blossom, and it will be a wonderful sight.

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