You’re No Good!

My new found anthem!… with a few personal changes to the second verse


Feeling better now that we're through
Feeling better 'cause I'm over you
I learned my lesson, it left a scar
Now I see how you really are

You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

I'm gonna say it again
You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

I broke a heart You broke my heart that's gentle and true
Well I my  broken a heart is was over someone like you
I'll never beg his  your forgiveness again on bended knee
I wouldn't blame him if he said to me
I won't blame myself that this has happened to me

You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

I'm gonna say it again
You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

I'm telling you now baby and I'm going my way
Forget about you baby 'cause I'm leaving to stay

You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

I'm gonna say it again
You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

Oh, oh no
You're no good
You're no good
You're no good
Baby you're no good

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What Is Depression (And What It Is Not)?

What Is Depression (And What It Is Not)?

“People who don’t know, who say it’s self-indulgence, sound callous, but it’s not callousness born of indifference; I think it’s callousness born of ignorance. That kind of ignorance we’ve got to get rid of, and little by little I suppose, we will. You say to them, ‘It’s a pity you don’t know. I’m sure that if you knew, I’m sure that if you knew, not only wouldn’t you say that, you’d try to help in one way or another.‘” – Mike Wallace, On the Edge of Darkness

What Depression Is:

  • Depression is an illness, in the same way that diabetes or heart disease are illnesses.
  • Depression is an illness that affects the entire body, not just the mind.
  • Depression is an illness that one in five people will suffer during their lifetime.
  • Depression is the leading cause of alcoholism, drug abuse and other addictions.
  • Depression is an illness that can be successfully treated in more than eighty percent of the people who have it.
  • Depression is an equal-opportunity illness – it affects all ages, all races, all economic groups and both genders. Women, however, suffer from depression almost twice as much as men do.
  • At least half of the people suffering from depression do not get proper treatment.
  • Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide.
  • Depression is second only to heart disease in causing lost work days in America.
  • Unipolar major depression is the leading cause of disability.

What Depression Is Not:

  • Depression is not something to be ashamed of.
  • Depression is not the same thing as feeling “blue” or “down.”
  • Depression is not a character flaw or the sign of a weak personality.
  • Depression is not a “mood” someone can “snap out of.” (Would you ask someone to “snap out of” diabetes or high blood pressure?)
  • Depression is not fully recognized as an illness by most health care insurance providers. Most will only pay 50% of treatment costs for out-patient care, as well as limiting the number of visits.

from wingsofmadness.com

How Depression May Affect Your Life

How Depression May Affect Your Life:

  • Your place is a mess; laundry and dishes are piled up, mail is unopened, etc. (Assuming you usually stay on top of these things).
  • You’ve been making excuses to friends why you can’t get together with them, or you’re telling them you’re “just too tired.”
  • You’ve really let yourself go – you’re wearing clothes that make you look dumpy, you’ve stopped exercising, you’re not shaving unless it’s absolutely necessary.
  • You’re wearing mostly dark colors.
  • You’re putting off things that need to be done: your car registration, taking that book back to the library, buying a birthday present for someone.
  • You can’t remember the last time you laughed a real laugh.
  • You don’t feel like you can handle your job anymore, even though nothing has changed so far as increased workload or responsibility.
  • You’re drinking or using drugs to escape the pain.
  • You’ve been to the doctor a lot recently, for things like headaches, stomach aches, fatigue, but the doctor can’t find anything wrong. Or you have convinced yourself you have a life-threatening illness – AIDS or cancer or a tumor.
  • You wake up in the middle of the night, and can’t go back to sleep. During the day you sleep a lot to escape from your life.
  • It takes you a whole weekend to do chores that used to only occupy a morning.
  • Since you’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy doing, you try a lot of different activities in the hopes that you can find something to occupy your time.
  • You have no ability to imagine or conceive of your life even a few days ahead – no plans, no hopes. You can’t even be sure you’ll still be here.
  • You wear the same clothes a few days in a row – choosing new ones is too much effort.
  • You lose things, you lose track of things and can’t always remember what day it is.
  • You’ve pretty much stopped eating, or caring what you eat and whether it tastes good.
  • On the flip side, you may be eating all the time because you’re bored and hope that food will somehow satisfy the vacant feeling you have.
  • You’ve lost interest in sex or even physical affection. Hugging someone doesn’t feel any different from leaning against a wall.
  • You’re reading escapist books (fantasy, sci-fi, romance, mystery) with little effort, but anything more demanding mentally (the classics, reading for school) is too much effort.
  • You’re avoiding talking to anyone to whom you have an obligation (your boss, friends who you’re ignoring).
  • You’re watching TV constantly – lying on the couch or on/in your bed flicking the remote seems to be the most effort you can deal with.
  • You hope you don’t run into anyone you know while you’re out. Not only is maintaining a normal conversation difficult, but you are sure they’ll notice something is wrong with you.

from wingsofmadness.com

What Does Depression Feel Like?

It was not really alarming at first, since the change was subtle, but I did notice that my surroundings took on a different tone at certain times: the shadows of nightfall seemed more somber, my mornings were less buoyant, walks in the woods became less zestful, and there was a moment during my working hours in the late afternoon when a kind of panic and anxiety overtook me…” – William Styron, Darkness Visible

Sometimes the Depression Self-Screening Test is just too clinical, and the symptoms don’t really “click” with you. Some of the criteria are general, and if you’re suffering from depression, specifics are easier to understand. I know that I might not have diagnosed myself with depression just on the basis of those symptoms. I had no change in appetite, and no sleep problems (waking up was what was difficult). Below are some un-clinical symptoms.

  • Things just seem “off” or “wrong.”
  • You don’t feel hopeful or happy about anything in your life.
  • You’re crying a lot, either at nothing, or something that normally would be insignificant.
  • You feel like you’re moving (and thinking) in slow motion.
  • Getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort.
  • Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. You can’t seem to express yourself.
  • You’re having trouble making simple decisions.
  • Your friends and family really irritate you.
  • You’re not sure if you still love your spouse/significant other.
  • Smiling feels stiff and awkward. It’s like your smiling muscles are frozen.
  • It seems like there’s a glass wall between you and the rest of the world.
  • You’re forgetful, and it’s very difficult to concentrate on anything.
  • You’re anxious and worried a lot.
  • Everything seems hopeless.
  • You feel like you can’t do anything right.
  • You have recurring thoughts of death and/or suicidal impulses. Suicide seems like a welcome relief.
  • You have a feeling of impending doom – you think something bad is going to happen, although you may not be sure what.
  • In your perception of the world around you, it’s always cloudy. Even on sunny days, it seems cloudy and gray.
  • You feel as though you’re drowning or suffocating.
  • You’re agitated, jumpy and and anxious much of the time.
  • Your senses seem dulled; food tastes bland and uninteresting, music doesn’t seem to affect you, you don’t bother smelling flowers anymore.
  • Incessantly and uncontrollably into your mind comes the memory of every failure, every bad or uncomfortable experience, interview or date, like a torrent of negativity.

from wingsofmadness.com

Choose To Love Yourself First

An emotional abuse video that I found on Youtube that I needed to post.

On Your Own Again

I am currently reading this book that I thought might be helpful, On Your Own Again: The Down-to-Earth Guide to Getting Through a Divorce or Separation and Getting On with Your Life, that describes the painful process of divorce and regaining control of your life after divorce. It talks about the “timetable to recovery”. During the first stage, usually about three months, survival is your main concern. After 3 months, you will start looking over the edges of a dark emotional pit and begin to become a participant in the outside world, rather than a bystander. At 12 to 24 months the pain of your marriage will begin to fade and you will derive your unique identity from being capable, competent and whole. Knowledge is indeed power. It is nice to know that the way that I am feeling is normal and yes, it is a painful process, but it does make you stronger and there is a purpose in all of this.

Stop the Negativity!

May 14, 2008

Today I went to my self-esteem support group. I am learning a lot about myself. We talked about an “Awareness Wheel”, and I realized why I am stuck. I am stuck in the past because I do not have any closure. I think that I internalized my anger for so long that it fed my clinical depression. I was given some tips from the group to help deal with my anger. They suggested writing a letter to “them” and mailing it to “Santa Clause” or burying it, something that is meaningful to me. Also, to put a picture of him on my wall and yell at him, and tell him how much he hurt me. I think that I will write a letter this weekend.

I also realized that the greatest gift that I can give myself is to love myself, and by doing so I need to stop my internal negative critic. I used to think that since I am not married, I was less of a person. This is my internal critic. Their suggestion is to put an elastic band around my wrist and snap it every time I have a negative thought about myself, and if I do this constantly, I will stop being negative toward myself. I guess, I wonder, “why do we talk to ourselves negatively and why are we so hard on ourselves?” Ask yourself this, “would you treat your mother or best friend the way you treat yourself?” I think that when you have been broken and worn down on a constant basis, your internal critic takes over, but gradually gets weaker once the abuser is gone. It is time that I turn that critic off, and learn to embrace and love myself. Do you?

“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission”

Eleanor Roosevelt