My Job Now – Dating?

June 10,2008

Everyday, I find myself in new places or meeting new people. I do not know what the next day is going to bring. I just came back from a conference in Halifax on health, although it was very interesting and stimulating, I found myself to be incredibly lonely. This was the second time, I traveled without a companion. I have learned that I am able to travel by myself, but now feel the need to share my experience with someone else. I decided to date again. I am trying a different approach to dating. I no longer date one person and feel obligated to continue dating that person for several years, instead I date several people and tell them that I am looking for friendship first. Maybe if they are lucky I will give them a kiss, but that is as far as it will go. I am no longer going to wear my heart on my sleeve. I have been on several dates in the past few weeks. I must admit, that it is starting to feel like work. Basically, I interview someone over the course of 2 hours to see if I would want to pursue a second date. I noticed that the people who I am attracted to share something in common with me, or reflect one of my personality traits. The first man I went on a date with was intelligent, worked in the Health Care Field and was a good communicator. The second person was a bit of a “bad boy” and loved the outside. However, he told me that his brother was in jail, so I thought it best not to have a second date. The third man loved the theatre and acted in several plays, like myself. But he was extremely negative and was living with a pregnant girl that was not his girlfriend. So I decided not to pursue a relationship with him either. I must admit that, I have become a bit wiser when dating, I know better how to identify the red flags very early, before it becomes to late. I meet all of this men though internet dating, which is so new for me. Like anything though, you have to be extremely careful and have little to no expectations, so you don’t get disappointed. At this point in my life, I am starting to feel like it is a job. But I do now, that if I was perceived as vulnerable or needy, I am sure that I would be in a relationship now, and being taken advantage of. I would rather be single.

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One Response to “My Job Now – Dating?”

  1. Merrill Tanner Says:

    I am finding this whole website very helpful. I thought that just getting away from him was the key, but the recovery is so painful and I am not finding it easy to build a support network again. I am still married to him as he is making the whole process difficult – refused collaborative family law approach. This June we will have been married 31 years, 32 years if you count the year living together. I was isolated in the marriage from people in general, trying to keep the secret or keep the kids safe from him or just generally coping with all the havoc he created. It has been two years now that we have been separated. My husband is extremely personable and well behaved in public and well liked so our friends choose him and find it hard to believe that he hit me or our son, who he has convinced to live with him. They invite him over with our children, but not me with the kids or alone. He already has a girlfriend, found a few months after he finally left, that everyone likes. I saw them at the kids concert this weekend. She looks at me with pitying sympathetic eyes, I can just imagine what she has been told. He is still wearing all the clothes I so carefully chose for him. I find I am often alone and lonely. I have many friends but they are so busy with their families that there is little time for meeting up. I also find that most people don’t want to see separated or divorced people, especially woman even if you are fun, active and don’t talk about your problems. I have tried the internet dating, but it seems to be filled with men who are looking for a partner to fit into their lives and to have regular uncomplicated sex with. One sister doesn’t want to hear about it. She is trying to meditate and keep herself enlightened. My other sister and some of my childhood friends talk to me on the phone as they don’t live here. I made a big mistake in my lonliness and had an affair with a male friend who is almost a hermit. We actually had a very independent relationship only seeing each other when my kids were at their Dad’s and to practice music. He decided that he doesn’t want an intimate relationship with anyone anymore but still wants to be my friend and perform music with me. I am finding this very hard and miss him terribly because he was so much kinder than my husband. I fell in love with him just because he was not abusive, although dropping me the way he did at this point in my life is not exactly kind. The pain just continues and I continue to express it. I finally had to tell my kids how much pain I was in. They were surprisingly comforting and supportive for 15 year olds. I still must be the adult and get it together though. I seem to need an everlasting ability to withstand emotional pain. It is hard to believe that it will ever be better.


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