Being in Control

January 07, 2008

It has been several months since my separation and I can honestly say that I am starting to heal. I am fortunate to have the resources to know how to heal. I work in an environment that supports healthy relationships. I find it interesting that he tried to make me feel so incompetent, that I would not be able to function without him. I guess it is part of their plan, to become so dependent on them that you cannot live without them. It is funny though, I do not find living independently in the “real” world difficult. In fact I have accomplished more independently that I have in 7 years. For once in my life, I no longer have negative people in my life minimizing everything I do. But I have to wonder, Why did I stay so long? I know that there were red flags, but why did I not listen to my gut instinct? I guess it was fear of being alone. I always had a boyfriend, and did not know anything different. Since I have been forced to live on my own, it is not that bad. In fact it is a safer environment than when I was with him. i think people distract themselves with “noise” so they cannot face themselves or their fears. I think it is harder to live in reality than a fantasy world. But sometimes, the truth catches up with you, whether you are prepared to deal with it or not. I actually like being on my own, because for once in my life I am in control and no one is controlling me.

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