Relief

I am relieved. My profound anger toward him is now subsiding and becoming total relief. Relief that my daughter is no longer with him. Relief that she is no longer sick. Relief that she still is alive. But I am still having so much difficulty wrapping my head around it all. I too have learned so much. Too much. He has no idea what we know. I have a feeling it is only the tip of the iceberg.

I am relieved. Life will be better for her now. I am relieved. Life will be better for her now. That is fact. But when I see my daughter’s pain and anguish day in and day out I find that I must remind myself of that fact. Life will get better for her now. My husband puts it another way. “She got rid of a 200 lb. piece of shit!” Now she must continue to pick up the pieces.

I have been in deep reflection mode. The “Leave it to Beaver” family life I tried to create has failed miserably. Realistically, how could I have expected the outcome to be any different. We are not Ward and June Cleaver. But the very flawed wannabes. Yes, I was a “wannabe”. A very naive, idealistic June Cleaver wannabe. I wanted the 2 perfect children, the beautiful home, the adoring husband. I wished for the only challenge in my life to be serving the perfect pot roast in my newly starched apron as my loving family awaited….. Fast forward 35 years. If the past several months has done anything it has made me take a honest look as to how she got here.

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