Self Quiz: Am I In An Abusive Relationship?

By Toby D. Goldsmith, MD

Below are some questions and checklists to help you determine if you are in an abusive relationship. Answer the questions honestly. If you answer “yes” to any of the following questions, you may be a victim of abuse.
lie to your family, friends and doctor about your bruises, cuts and scratches?

In addition to those questions, consider the following two checklists. The first list includes signs of emotional abuse. You are probably the victim of emotional abuse if your partner:

  • Repeatedly gives you destructive criticism, verbal threats and browbeating.
  • Always claims to be right.
  • Excludes you from making decisions and claims to be the head of the household.
  • Abuses your trust by lying, hiding important information and papers, cheating or being inappropriately jealous.
  • Minimizes or denies abusive behavior.
  • Constantly shows disrespect, puts you down or embarrasses you in front of others.
  • Harasses you by following you or checking up on you.
  • Prevents you from seeing your relatives or friends or insists on going everywhere with you.
  • Monitors your phone calls.

The next list includes signs of physical abuse. You are a victim of physical abuse if your partner:

  • Intimidates you through angry or threatening gestures.
  • Destroys your belongings or household items.
  • Coerces you to have sex or perform sexual acts against your will.
  • Kicks, bites, stabs, pushes, burns or chokes you.
  • Uses weapons to threaten or harm you or others you love.

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, or experience these forms of emotional and physical abuse in your relationship, you should seek help. Abuse is not acceptable behavior and is not something you should just learn to live with.

Don’t be a victim that keeps this a silent disease. Seek help from relatives, friends, law enforcement or community resources. With their help, you may be able to stop the abuse or, if necessary, leave the relationship. Realize that once the abuse has started, it will nearly always get worse.


8 Responses to “Self Quiz: Am I In An Abusive Relationship?”

  1. abusoemocional Says:

    This is a very good post. I believe that most people allow abuse to occur in their lives due to their lack of key information. These questions help victims of abuse become aware of reality as it is.

    Thanks for sharing them!

  2. Miss M Says:

    I have answered YES to questions under both emotional and abusive and I have attempted suicide – but fhe thought of my children without THEIR mother has bought me aroung for how much longer I don’t know.

  3. Marty Says:

    I know I am in an abusive relationship and I know I should leave, but I honestly do not know how to. Earlier this week he beat me with his fist and kicked me repeatly because he felt I lied to him. Months will go by the “honeymoon” phase and there will be no incidents. Me and the kids walk around for the most part on egg shells. This whole situation is sick. When it’s good,its really good but when it is bad it the worst. I have a permnante scar on my face from when he punched me in the egg and he as hit me in my side so hard that I feel like I have to go to the bathroom. I feel like I have no one to turn to because all I am going to get is judged, called stupid and made to feel worst than I already do. I am stuck and I have no idea how to move from this place. He saids he was to change but he does not want to go to therapy. I am stuck.

    • Lisa Says:

      you aren’t stuck you need to get out of that relationship ask family to stay with them if you don’t do it for you do it for your children because, you don’t want them to think it’s okay to be hit and treated that way

      • Misti Says:

        i agree with Marty im in the same situtaion i may not have children but i know how horrible it is when others that are close see how horrible you are treated. but im also 17. i would like help also

  4. Agat Says:

    Hey. I have a question here. I have answered to most questions yes, but i am a teenager, and this abuse comes from my parent, not partner. So does this also count?

  5. liz Says:

    hi well i was reading the list and as i checked this or i realized that i did some of those things too.. he has cheated alot and i check his phone, his lied so i always try to go deeper than what he tells me.. he puts me down has choked me pushed me but i defend myself and last time that we though like that we both got arrested because he pushed me and i defended myself and because i threw his control against the wall.. he has hurt me alot cheating lying braking promises making jokes that hurt my feelings calling me names and things like that but when i started to get tierd of things i was doing some things too.. like checking his phone wondering who he is with being jelous but its from the lack of trust there is from his cheating… does that make me an abuser too?? he says yes he says everything is my fault… i just want another opinion

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