Self- Esteem

Women who have been abused often suffer from low self-esteem. after being put down, threatened and insulted, women may feel worthless and may even blame that the abuse is their fault. You are not to blame. An abusive partner will rarely take the blame for his/ her actions. If they did, they would have to accept their faults and consider changing. while in an abusive relationship, you may of heard some of the following things:

• You made me do it
• You would drive anyone nuts
• Why do you just keep pushing and pushing me
• You drive me to drink

Or you may believe some of the following:

• If a man abuses a woman, she must have done something to deserve it
• If a woman leaves an abusive relationship, she is breaking up the family
• Women should make sacrifices to keep everyone happy

These things are not true and believing them may have kept you in the abusive relationship. Take the self esteem test.

The Courage To Be Myself

I HAVE THE COURAGE TO:

• embrace my strengths
• get excited about life
• enjoy giving and receiving love
• face and transform my fears
• ask for help and support when I need it
• spring free of the superwoman trap
• trust myself
• complete unfinished business
• realize that I have practical and emotional rights
• talk as nicely to myself as I do my plants
• communicate lovingly with understanding as my goal
• honor my own needs
• give myself credit for my accomplishments
• love the little girl within me
• overcome my addiction of approval
• grant myself permission to play
• quit being a responsibility sponge
• feel all of my feelings and act on them appropriately
• nuture others because I want to, not because I have to
• choose what is right for me
• insist on being paid fairly for what I do
• set limits and boundaries and stick by them
• say “yes” only when I really mean it
• have realistic expectations
• take risks and accept change
• grown through challenges
• be totally honest with myself
• correct erroneous beliefs and assumptions
• respect my vulnerabilities
• heal old and current wounds
• savor the mystery of spirit
• wave goodbye to guilt
• plant “flower” not “weed” thoughts in my mind
• treat myself with respect and teach others to do the same
• fill my own cup first, then nourish other from the overflow
• own my own excellence
• plan for the future, but live in the present
• value my intuition and wisdom
• know that I am lovable
• celebrate the differences between men and women
• develop healthy, supportive, relationships
• make forgiveness a priority
• accept myself as I am now!

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Checklist For Safe & Healthy Dating Relationships

CHECKLIST FOR SAFE & HEALTHY DATING RELATIONSHIPS:

• Does this person treat me with kindness and respect?
• Does this person show an interest in my life and the things that matter to me?
• Can this relationship meet both our needs without me always giving in to what he/she wants?
• Do both parties in the relationship take responsibility for their actions and feelings?
• Can I safely express a thought or opinion other that what the other person thinks or feel without feeling shame, fear, or judgment?
• Is this a person who is safe to be angry at without fear of what will happen?
• Does this person listen without interrupting when I speak?
• Are the differences and decisions negotiated fairly and cooperatively?
• Is it OK to make mistakes without being humiliated by the person?
• Is this person honest with me?
• Does this person keep appointments, promises, confidences?
• Have you decided what your sexual limits are? what behavior you feel is acceptable from your date? How can you communicate your limits and discuss feelings about this?
• Are you aware of where the date is leading to and whether you feel comfortable and safe?
• Pay attention to behavior that doesn’t feel comfortable. Sitting or standing too close, grabbing or pushing you, not listening to your requests, etc.
• Be aware of your own goals and desires for the relationship. Be assertive and ready to state clearly what you will not agree to. Stand up for yourself and be honest about what you feel. It is OK to be rude to someone who is sexually pressuring you since they are not paying attention to your feelings
• Remember always follow YOUR GUT INSTINCT!

The Equality Wheel

What is the “Equality Wheel”?

The Equality wheel is a model used to explain the dynamics of a healthy relationship. It is applicable to all forms of relationships; with friends, dating partners, intimate partners, life partners, or family members. Each component of the wheel supports and reinforces the others, with equality always at the center. The Equality wheel can be used by anyone as a guide to maintaining healthy patterns in a relationship.

The Center of the Wheel:

Equality: Equality is the foundation of any healthy relationship

The Spokes of the Wheel:

Trust: trust appropriately. You would trust your life partner more than you would trust a new aquaintance.

Support: Support each other. Encourage others in their goals, activities, and personal growth.

Respect: Respect other people’s boundaries. Learn othe people’s boundaries and do not infringe upon them.

Responsibility: share responsibility for maintaining a relationship. Bothpeople in a relationship should be included in making decisions.

Communication: communicate effectively. effective communication involves clearly expressing your thoughts and feelings and listening to those and others.

Boundaries: maintain healthy boundaries. create safe and comfortable space to experience relationships by defining and communicating your boundaries to others.

Honesty: Be open and honest. it is important for both people in a relationship to be honest about their intentions, feelings, or desires.

Accountability: Be responsible for your own actions. Talk to others to understand how your actions effect them.

The Outer Circle of the Wheel:

Non- Violence: there is no place for violent acts or behaviors in a healthy relationships. examples of violent acts or behaviors include yelling, name-calling, minimizing feelings, throwing things, unwanted touching, pushing, hitting, stalking, and forced sex.

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Signs Of A Healthy Relationship

When someone loves you, you feel valued, respected, and free to be yourself. Ask yourself..

My partner

• Is sensitive to my feelings
• Respects my opinions and values
• Trusts me
• Is not overly jealous or possessive
• Accepts me for who I am and does not try to change me
• Treats me as an equal
• Is willing to discuss our problems and disagreements
• Doesn’t try to control my life
• Does not embarrass me or put me down in front of others
• Is never physically rough or aggressive with me
• Does not criticize how I look or dress
• Listens to me and tries to understand my point of view

if you are unsure of your current relationship take the following quiz.

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