When Does “Mount Cope” Become “Mount Hope”?


I find myself asking , when does my daughter’s “Mount Cope” become “Mount Hope”?

She writes on Christmas day:

Today is Christmas, and it is very difficult. It is not that I miss him, I think it is just everything that he has done to me over the last 7 years. I remember when I met him, my gut instinct said that I would marry him, but something really bad is going to happen and it did. I guess the gut instincts are there for a reason. I would like to erase the last 7 years but I am constantly reminded of it. There are wedding pictures on the wall, and my couches are down stairs. My sister-in law gave me an update of some of the things that he has done, since my separation. She was tying to help. I found out that he is selling the house which is a good thing, but I was originally upset that he made several upgrades to a 3 year old house, but I have to remind myself that is only because it benefited him because it is easier to sell. She had asked, why he stopped over for Christmas last year, while he was working for dinner, when he was doing her. I can’t answer those questions, only that he does not have a conscious and what is different, nothing, there were others. It was an acceptable behavior to him. I saw pictures of the bedroom, and my mind began to wander, but I have to tell myself to stop. She then told me that she encountered him at the gym. Everyone now has seen him and has given their 2 cents in public, except me. I wish he was dead. She said several things to him, and he was shaking like he always does when he is confronted. People like that do not like conflict, they like to give off this image that they are the “nice guy”, but I think it is finally starting to back fire on him. I would hope that people are starting to see his true colours. He used and abused me for 7 years and took me for a complete ride, and pretended to be someone who is not. He adopted parts of my lifestyle and mannerism. The whole thing was a sham. Apparently, I am the complete opposite with his new girlfriend, a fireman. I did not deserve any of this, he totally took advantage that I am a good person. He even would say that I was too righteous for him. I would go to church, volunteer and seldom drink, (though he constantly wanted me to). I take pride in my work and hope that I am making a difference. He saw that, and used that to his advantage. I guess, my sister-in-law said that she knew about the ipecac, and he did not deny it when she confronted him. I guess that is why, he did not seem too concerned to drive me to the hospital that day. When I was constantly throwing up. I guess, deep down inside what I thought was true, actually was. It is still a hard thing to swallow, that your own husband was poisoning me, to seek revenge. He even told me. “that I was not following his plan, and he was frustrated with me” My cats appear to be healthier now, but still run under the bed when they see someone that resembles him. Why am I still very sad and heart broken? I should wake up and say enough is enough, and do not care. But it is not as easy as that. It is all around me all the time. He was in my life for 7 years and everything that I thought was real was not. Like all abusers, rapists, murderers, they hurt their victims and leave a path of destruction and move on happily with there lives. I never thought that this would happen to me. Sometimes, I don’t know what to do, to make all these feelings go away. I wish there was justice. I think I still have PTSD. I want to be the happy person I was 7 years ago, but a lot of damage has been done, and I don’t know how to get that back.



One Response to “When Does “Mount Cope” Become “Mount Hope”?”

  1. Living For His Glory Says:

    (cont.)Dear Mountcope, How my heart goes out to you!! I spent a lot of my time today reading many of your entries, and when I came to this one, it really broke my heart to see all that you have been through!! Please know that you are precious to God, and how grieved He must be because of all the wrong that has been done to you at the hands of someone who was supposed to have loved you. I identify with a lot that you have been through, and my “husband “ALSO told me, “Why do you put up with me…you’re too good for me.” My life was in shambles… I went into a deep depression, and ironically he was the instrument God used to bring a Bible to me. God revealed His love and truth to me, and as I continued to read His Word, God began to heal me emotionally, and give me joy and peace, and real hope!! I asked for God’s forgiveness and surrendered my life to Him. After my “husband” left me, I waited 19 years with hope that he would return, but he didn’t. God gives us each a free will and he chose to stay involved with the woman and divorce me. Through it all I have come to know God in a very REAL way, and that is His desire…for us to seek and love Him for WHO He is NOT for what He can do for us. Faith is tested to prove if it is real or not. I am in the process of writing a book about my life with the hope of helping at least one person not to give up on life, and to point them to the only One Who can help, heal, and give them hope…Jesus. I will continue to pray that God will draw you to Himself and make His love and truth VERY REAL to you. I close with this verse…”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 God Bless You!!

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