The following “intimacy test” can help you become more sensitive and trusting to the non-verbal signals about attachment that ultimately rise from your core value.
Can you disclose anything about yourself, including your deepest thoughts and feelings, without fear of rejection or misunderstanding? ________
Is the message of your relationship, “grow, expand, create, disclose, reveal?” Or is it, “hide, conceal, think only in certain ways, behave only in certain ways, feel only certain things?”
Grow___ Hide ___
Does this relationship offer both parties optimal growth? ___
Can you both develop into the greatest persons you can be? ___
Does your partner fully accept that you have thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from his? ___
Does he respect those differences? ___
Does he cherish you despite them? ___
Does he accept your differences without trying to change you? ___
Do you want to accept that your partner has thoughts, beliefs, preferences, and feelings that differ from yours? ___
Can you respect those differences? ___
Can you cherish your partner despite them? ___
Can you accept them without trying to change them? ___
A greater sense of your core values will give you more confidence that you can detect the very early warning signs of abuse. Listen compassionately to the faint messages of your hungry heart. Then it won’t need to make the kind of desperate outcries that suspend your best judgment, scare off appropriate matches, and attract resentful, angry, or abusive partners.