Anger

September 21, 2007

It has been almost 4 months since I have separated and I am so pissed off. The pain, confusion, and hardship that I have endured over the last 4 months is unspeakable. I did not deserve any of it. All of his lies and schemes are inconceivable, that someone with intent would hurt someone that was so close to him, HIS OWN WIFE!!! Although, he was abusive over the last 7 years, it is still hard to believe all the lies that I found out about. How can a decent human being do that to someone else? I guess, I will never understand. I literally, had to change my life and way of thinking overnight. I guess near the end I was still hanging on to the dream, and I literally saw it dissolve before my eyes. Over the last 4 months, the hardships that I had to endure include:

The first week after the trial separation

1. I found out that he stole money, had assets, a business, pornography sites, GPS tracking, spy cameras, revenge sites, extradition sites, had an affair in October (separated in june), stole my identity, schemed, lied! lied and lied. I met with his financial advisor 1 week before separation to reduce my debt and take out a 54,000 leverage account? Why did he want me to take out a $54,000 leverage account?. He also was fixated on taking pictures of my breasts and and wanting to make money from them and making a porno film. He did this the last week, and it has since been I the separation clause
2. Treated me like garbage and admitted it, because I did not follow the plan. Told me a week prior that he, “loved me more than I would ever know” Told me that everything was my fault, meanwhile he was with his girlfriend
3. During the trial separation, he spent the time with his girlfriend and planned to meet me on Saturday, when I was most vulnerable to have me sign for things. He told me he was at a friends house watching movies
4. I found myself at women’s shelters to get more information about a safety plan, after finding the internet sites he frequented. The week before the trial separation we were playing Deal or No Deal and having sex. I have never thought that I would be accessing a women’s shelter in my lifetime.
5. He started taking things from the house. He took my modem, so I could not use the phone, and left me notes on my door
6. I decided to leave the house and stay with my parents. I found myself at counseling and support groups. Three weeks before that I was in my house watching TV.
7. He came by to get his clothes, the police had escorted him. We were sleeping together 3 weeks prior. My husband became my enemy overnight
8. He took things from the home. Each time I come home, there was something gone
9. The dream evaporates before your eyes

The last 3 months

1. I own 3 houses, yet I have no where to go. He is renting or living in the MC residence. I not to sure if his girlfriend is in “my house” that I decorated
2. I cannot concentrate at work, like I used to.
3. I have been house sitting and trying to live day by day
4. I found out that she is the exact opposite than me and has no remorse, ethics or conscious. She is white trash, she swears, smokes, drinks and parties excessively, and is sexually promiscuous. I am the exact opposite. I do not party, smoke, and drink. In fact I volunteer at a nursing home and am trying to start up a support center to make a difference in people’s lives. I used to feel sorry for her, but know I don’t. They came out of the closet a month after separation, and it did not bother her. She looks needy, desperate, and someone with no integrity. The worst part is that she was married before, she should know better. If one day you are reading this, which I will one day give you the URL to this blog, when he hurts you, I just wanted to let you know that you deserve everything you get, and you were a fool to believe every word he said about our marriage and me.
5. He literally turned my life upside down
6. I found out that the marriage was a sham and that he is incapable of love. In fact all he did was have a plan (refer to flashbacks). He uses people, like he is using his paramedic friends to invest. What is in it for him? Commission? This includes his girlfriend.
7. My Ex ruins the lives of the people who know him best.
8. The list goes on and on

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