July 27, 2008
I came across this letter the other day that my ex wrote me a year after we were married. You see I was going to leave him because I could not take it anymore. My life was a nightmare. He was always giving me a hard time about everything. I did nothing right. But it was my education that was the biggest bone of contention with him. Though my Master’s was funded through a bursary and I was bringing in money through contract work it just wasn’t enough for him. That first year of my nightmare started when he took all our wedding money, and continued as he would discuss with all his friends and colleagues how he had to support me. How I thought I was “too good” to work at McDonald’s to help him out. That “his financial burden” was getting too much for him. How do I know? He would tell me. He was constantly trying to make me feel bad, especially about school. I was always so afraid to ask him for money, that I started to ask my parents to help with my car payments. When my thesis was delayed, I was literally afraid to go home. I would not be able to “contribute” in the manner he wanted me to now for several months. I knew that my life was about to get worse. And it did. I had to leave. But as you read this, as with everything, he was able to twist everything around and once again I was wrong and it was all my fault.
” Dear _____
I’m writing this letter to you with great and deep sorrow. I feel don’t know the women I married last year. The commitments that we made together seem to have no meaning. The one who promised to work at this relationship and discuss issues and opinions openly has failed me. I reach out to you with my hand and there’s no hand to hold. I want to speak to you and you turn me away. As a result I feel that I’ve been left alone, cold, lost, empty, dead. Since our marriage is a partnerships, one that needs to be nurtured and managed from day 1. there should not be any barriers or issues that both parties should be aware of. An open relationship will foster better trust, communication, planning and a healthy relationship. I’ve always wanted to provide you with everything that I could and the best of what life has to offer both now and in the future. I want to support you in every way I can. While I do realize that you are going through a difficult time in your life. I know that your a very capable person and feel that you have lot to offer life. I’ve always tried to support you through your endeavors.It saddens me that you don’t consider me to be your security blanket.
To date I feel that the one issue that is the biggest barrier to this relationship is money. the inability to openly discuss this issue has created an atmosphere of mistrust, deceit, two vastly different opinions and goals and two people working not together but alone to move forward in their lives. I feel that we need to break this barrier and set goals and objectives and work together rather than each alone with no “team direction”
I do love you with all my heart and I did take an oath to you on our wedding day. I do love you for better or worse, in sickness and health. I trust you and believe in you and all you abilities. If you can find it in your heart to trust me and be open you will find that I am loyal to you and want you to be successful. Please forgive me for causing you any pain or suffering you may feel. I want nothing to come between us and have no problem that can’t be solved.
Love Forever Your Husband
My ex son-in-law inflicted his type of abuse in his own stealthy way. For the most part hidden from public view, only letting his true personality come out in private for his victim…. my daughter.
As we continue to learn , emotional abuse can be far more damaging to a person than once thought. It can cause years of pain as the victim continues to react to this abuse long after the abuser is gone. My ex son-in-law’s type of emotional abuse has left some very common reactions that my daughter now struggles with on a daily basis.
July 04, 2008
The Monster has reared its ugly head once again. Or should I say “Monsters’? One being the “Bald Headed Monster” that was once my son-in-law, the other Monster in my daughter’s life now is depression. Unfortunately one seems to feed the other.
It was only a couple of weeks ago that she was doing so well. So much like her old self. Happy, rationale, looking forward to the future. Then out of nowhere, (and might I add, 100km out of his way), he drives right by her in front of her condo in his girlfriends jeep. What was he doing there? Checking up on her. Gathering information about her for his “file” that I know he has. You see, he needs that control. To him it is always about control and head games. He is a master of “head games.”