Ouch! I Have Lost Myself Again

Continued from   “Help! I Have Done It Again”

Subsequently we went on several dates where he wined and dined me, bought me flowers, open the car door and treated everyone who crossed our path with respect and compassion. He spoke of the volunteer work he did with his church and the many committees he sat on in order to make his community a better place. He was an outstanding citizen and anyone who met him liked him immediately, including myself. He often spoke of helping others and giving of himself.

After several months of courting, I began to fall in love with him. It is hard to see the warning signs when you feel like you are on “cloud nine”, and happy again, something that I had not felt in a long time. I started to see the warning signs at the beginning, but they were very subtle, and I choose to ignore him because of his genuine nature.

At the beginning of the relationship, he told me that he was very busy at work and that I have to understand that I could not see him a lot. This meant I could see him once during the week and on weekends. I agreed to this, but then I started to notice that I saw and talked to him at the same time everyday. It was like I was “penciled in”. For example he would come over on Saturday night at 4:00 and would leave at 8:30 in the morning to go to church. He would also call every evening at 9:00 or 9:30. He would often tell me that he was extremely busy and that he could give me more time, so in a sense I had to accept his schedule.

Very early in the relationship I also met his family. They were Portuguese. I met his family early in the relationship because he still lived at home with his parents and shared a room with his brother. They are both in their late 30’s early 40’s. Looking back, I now think that is very odd. When I met his brother Peter, he immediately insulted me and my family. We were at the dinner table one evening and he said some crude things to me, and Dan just sat their and watched, and did not interrupt him. Dan later justified his brother’s behaviour that his brother has a right to in a sense insult me because he doesn’t know me and he is only protecting his brother. Dan’s brother told me that I was fragile and that my parents were crazy. I should have got up and left but I decided to stay.