“It is called “Mount Cope.” For me it was a place where I coped on a daily basis having been emotionally, financially and sexually abused for 3 years. It was a place which all my dreams of a happy marriage were shattered. I have recently left an abusive relationship and struggle minute by minute to make sense of it all. While I write my hands are shaking and I am grief stricken with pain. Pain I never thought existed until my husband left. I do not know why it hurts so much, even though I know that it was a bad marriage. since the separation, I have been finding out more about my sham marriage, on a daily basis. I have found out he stole from me, had a business, stole my identity and was having an affair throughout our marriage. My husband, the person I trusted and shared a bed with for 4 years lied to me. I feel like a knife is being jabbed through my heart and I am still bleeding profusely, and I cannot stop the bleeding. Why does it bother me so much, even though I wanted to leave? I think of my husband being with someone other than me, and it is mind shattering. I picture them having fun together, while I am left behind to pick up the pieces. I wish I could have fun, but I am too hurt. I look at other people laughing and I think to myself, am I ever going to laugh again. I rationalize in my head over and over that what goes around , comes around and maybe I will be happy some day. Some day is not quick enough. I look around and I try very hard to find ways to ease my suffering and there is no place or no one that can take away the pain. I have tried praying, researching, talking, running. It helps temporarily, but there is always that weight. I think that he abused me for so long I now feel so lost.”
This is my daughter’s story. This is her journal. This is her struggle to regain her life.
Welcome to Mount Cope! next…
PLEASE TAKE A FEW MOMENTS TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR POLL : DATING AFTER ABUSE
November 7, 2007 at 8:29 pm
I understand i am going through this right now
December 1, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Your website is truly an inspiration for all of us involved with a sociopath. I, myself, am enduring the same exact feelings. As a matter of fact, I believed to be the only person in the world enduring the heartache and shame involved with allowing someone to take control of my life and leaving me with nothing, not even my pride. Thank you for encouraging us and giving all of us hope. There will be a better tomorrow…
December 28, 2007 at 11:12 am
THANKYOU. This site is helping me so much. I stumbled accross it on a google search for help and I haven’t found anything else on the web which so perfectly describes the pain, destruction and confusion that I have been feeling for the past two months since my husband of 13 months walked out to live with another woman unbeknown to me. For two months I have been like an abandoned child, not realising how dependent I had become or howcontrolling he had been for the past 21/2 years. I look back and realise the signs I missed, the overcoping that I did, the excusing his anger, the over understanding of his problems, the justifying his behaviours to myself and blaming myself for being selfish when all along it was projection from him to me. Then, when I started to challenge his lying, he left blaming me for not loving him enough. I was devastated and my world was taken away. For the first month I was in shock and reeling with the emptiness and grief. I am just coming to a point now where I can see ( the blinkers are off) and I know I just need to keep going and that I will get through this one day and grow into a whole person again. I now know that with all this I have not lost anything, I have the love of my family, the respect of my workmates and the joy of my friends. The finances will be resolved and I can start anew in the life that I want for myself. Reading your story has helped the nightmares stop and for the first night I slept all the way through in peace, and without sleeping pills. Your site has given me so much hope, and I Thank you and wish you all blessings and peace for your future.
May 23, 2008 at 10:20 pm
All of us can overcome pain and grow out stronger. I’m glad you liked the video, I hope it can help many people.
All the best!
August 29, 2008 at 3:09 pm
SILENCE is the abused’s reality – it is here where I feel safe going over and over the things in your head until finally they cave in on you and I can’t take any more.
August 31, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Hello,
I am new here, I came across this site as I am researching., planning my escape. I am sooo confused…..i feel so isolated from the world……i’m not even sure if im being abused, compared to other stories and scenarios i have read about. My husband of 12 years is a bit controlling and has hit me for many years, but it doesn’t happen often.
L
August 31, 2008 at 2:49 pm
i realized how dumb I sound in my previous post…….of course I am a victim of domestic violence!!!! my husband hits me.
September 29, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Thank you. I don’t have the words. Thank you. I am trying to become alive again and it is happening — slowly. I am coming back to life because of people like you and others. Also, my abusive ex-husband is augmenting my rebirth. Now that I am away from him, I can see clearly what he was, what he is, and what he will most likely be forever. He still scares me, still inspires fear and desperate anxiety with just a tone of voice, but now I see. Now I know. Thank you.
September 29, 2008 at 10:50 pm
For lizette:
“My husband of 12 years is a bit controlling and has hit me for many years, but it doesn’t happen often.”
My husband of 12 years was the same. I didn’t think/know I was being abused. What I realized it that my children were being abused along with me. He didn’t hit them at the time, but the verbal and emotional abuse he perpetrated and still perpetrates on my babies is devastating. I am out 2.5 yeas, but he still has visitation. My 7 year old has a severe and crushing eating disorder. He only weighs 38 pounds. I tried to get him help, but my ex blocked it in court. My baby is so sick because of what he has seen and heard. I am crumbling. Get out right this instant. I will help you.
October 9, 2008 at 1:35 am
Hi,
I’m glad I found this site. I am going to keep reading the blogs.
I am not in a dating relationship with an abuser but I am still stuck with my abusive parents.
I got stuck having to move back home to the abuse because I lost my job. I had escaped once and now I’m having a really horrible time trying to escape again. To top it off, my abusive sister moved home and I’m yet again their escape goat for all of their problems.
I’m very miserable and very afraid, I was going to move in with a roommate but my parents yelled at me and screamed at me and threatened me so badly yesterday when I told them.. that of course now I’m not going to do that because yet again I’m afraid of what will happen (car breaking down, not quite enough money again)..
I’m really sad..
I hate abuse..
Sorry I’m venting.. I don’t know what to do.. I’m at a loss… and so sad that I’m stuck in this again.
~Rain
February 7, 2009 at 5:24 am
Thank you for sharing. I admire you for having the courage to leave and to tell your story you will help so many that are going through similar situations.
April 15, 2009 at 3:43 am
Is any1 here ? I was just wondering … would surviving the effects of a 24 year old unsolved homicide / missing persons case be welcome here? After 14 years of his abuse- one day he just said mom took off ” he’s had no comment since!
April 25, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Wow! I’ve been spending some time looking around here and am so impressed with what you’re doing. I hope you don’t mind that on posted a recommendation for your site on mine. My focus is to link victims up with sites that can be of help to them, and yours certainly can.
Thanks for what you’re doing here.
July 1, 2009 at 4:35 pm
I hope these articles give you the comfort and hope that they have given me. -Isaiah 65:17
Sincerely, H. Kate
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011108/article_03.htm
November 19, 2009 at 5:39 am
What an amazing site – and what comfort to others going through the same thing. I really want to acknowledge this gift. A truly toxic relationship is actually co-dependent and damaging to both people involved – the abuser and the abusee. The difficult part is breaking free – that’s the “dependent” part. Of course it’s important for people to understand whether their relationships are deeply dysfunctional or whether they are simple in trouble and in need of help. It is possible to repair a bad relationship IF it is essentially based on a healthy foundation and both parties are willing.
November 19, 2009 at 6:17 am
What an amazing site. Thank you for sharing and helping so many people.
November 26, 2009 at 5:11 am
Hi Mount Cope — I hope since you have written your initial post that you have found peace and healing through the wonderful work you have done with this website. It is by far my favorite of this kind, and I am so grateful to have happened upon it. As a person involved in an excruciatingly painful, emotionally abusive relationship, I will make a pact with myself not to allow denial to rob me of the peace of mind and freedom to which I am entitled, and to read something here every day to get me one step closer to recovery.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Love,
Autumn
December 9, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Keeping my own blog through wordpress has helped me gain perspective and I use it as a means of therapy, and possibly to help others.
December 10, 2009 at 7:29 am
hi. i am so happy to have found your page. it is really comforting.. as i dont have anyone to talk to about what my kids and i are going through. i feel very stuck because i love my husband, and he wants to change so badly, but hasnt been able to. he is in therapy on his own and with me, and is on medication but he stilll lashes out ( yelling, intimidating, thretening to hit, pushing) and blames us (me and the kids) for his anger. he then leaves and comes back later that day, or sometimes the next day very sorry, apologetic and admiting his wrongs. we are then very happy, almost gitty feeling as if the bad times are behind us and it will never happen again… even though it happens at least 3-6 times per week! it is really scary that my thinking is SO messed up!! how can i believe that it will get better when it hasnt?? i feel so stupid. i feel traped by myself! does anyone understand this feeling?? what makes it even worse is that my older son (who is 11) is not my husbands biological son, but the son of my ex-husband who was very very abusive emotionally (phisically one time) and who was a child molestor (molesting my son). my son now is very attached to my new husband but also very hurt by him acting this way. he tries to be perfect as to not upset my husband, and then spirals out of control when my husband lashes out at him. my husband really picks on him more than anyone.. expecting him to be perfect. he also blames him for anything he is feeling. he picks him apart. i am so sad. i am so lost. i feel so week. can anyone help??
December 10, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I am so sorry you are going through this . Me, you need to speak with someone. Call your local woman’s shelter or abuse hotline. They will direct you to the right services so you may speak with a professional to help YOU.
Take Care