Welcome To “Mount Cope”

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“I called it “Mount Cope.” For me it was a place where I coped on a daily basis having been emotionally, financially and sexually abused for 3 years. It was a place which all my dreams of a happy marriage were shattered. I have recently left an abusive relationship and struggle minute by minute to make sense of it all. While I write my hands are shaking and I am grief stricken with pain. Pain I never thought existed until my husband left. I do not know why it hurts so much, even though I know that it was a bad marriage. since the separation, I have been finding out more about my sham marriage, on a daily basis. I have found out he stole from me, had a business, stole my identity and was having an affair throughout our marriage. My husband, the person I trusted and shared a bed with for 4 years lied to me. I feel like a knife is being jabbed through my heart and I am still bleeding profusely, and I cannot stop the bleeding. Why does it bother me so much, even though I wanted to leave? I think of my husband being with someone other than me, and it is mind shattering. I picture them having fun together, while I am left behind to pick up the pieces. I wish I could have fun, but I am too hurt. I look at other people laughing and I think to myself, am I ever going to laugh again. I rationalize in my head over and over that what goes around , comes around and maybe I will be happy some day. Some day is not quick enough. I look around and I try very hard to find ways to ease my suffering and there is no place or no one that can take away the pain. I have tried praying, researching, talking, running. It helps temporarily, but there is always that weight. I think that he abused me for so long I now feel so lost.”

This is my daughter’s story. This is her journal. This is her struggle to regain her life.

Welcome to  Mount Cope! next…

">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll-V7mzSiN0]


PLEASE TAKE A FEW MOMENTS TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR POLL : DATING AFTER ABUSE


SheWikipedia: She is a third-person, singular personal pronoun (subjective case) in Modern English.

29 Responses to “Welcome To “Mount Cope””

  1. sarah chevrier Says:

    I understand i am going through this right now

  2. Tricia Says:

    Your website is truly an inspiration for all of us involved with a sociopath. I, myself, am enduring the same exact feelings. As a matter of fact, I believed to be the only person in the world enduring the heartache and shame involved with allowing someone to take control of my life and leaving me with nothing, not even my pride. Thank you for encouraging us and giving all of us hope. There will be a better tomorrow…

    • Macy Says:

      definitely there is!… i came from a same circumstance before, i thought everything is unsurmountable….but here I am right now, I may not be in a perfect relationship, but atleast i have moved on from a worst one…

  3. paula Says:

    THANKYOU. This site is helping me so much. I stumbled accross it on a google search for help and I haven’t found anything else on the web which so perfectly describes the pain, destruction and confusion that I have been feeling for the past two months since my husband of 13 months walked out to live with another woman unbeknown to me. For two months I have been like an abandoned child, not realising how dependent I had become or howcontrolling he had been for the past 21/2 years. I look back and realise the signs I missed, the overcoping that I did, the excusing his anger, the over understanding of his problems, the justifying his behaviours to myself and blaming myself for being selfish when all along it was projection from him to me. Then, when I started to challenge his lying, he left blaming me for not loving him enough. I was devastated and my world was taken away. For the first month I was in shock and reeling with the emptiness and grief. I am just coming to a point now where I can see ( the blinkers are off) and I know I just need to keep going and that I will get through this one day and grow into a whole person again. I now know that with all this I have not lost anything, I have the love of my family, the respect of my workmates and the joy of my friends. The finances will be resolved and I can start anew in the life that I want for myself. Reading your story has helped the nightmares stop and for the first night I slept all the way through in peace, and without sleeping pills. Your site has given me so much hope, and I Thank you and wish you all blessings and peace for your future.

  4. Mariana Says:

    All of us can overcome pain and grow out stronger. I’m glad you liked the video, I hope it can help many people.

    All the best!

  5. Miss M Says:

    SILENCE is the abused’s reality – it is here where I feel safe going over and over the things in your head until finally they cave in on you and I can’t take any more.

  6. lizette Says:

    Hello,
    I am new here, I came across this site as I am researching., planning my escape. I am sooo confused…..i feel so isolated from the world……i’m not even sure if im being abused, compared to other stories and scenarios i have read about. My husband of 12 years is a bit controlling and has hit me for many years, but it doesn’t happen often.
    L

  7. lizette Says:

    i realized how dumb I sound in my previous post…….of course I am a victim of domestic violence!!!! my husband hits me.

  8. TP3 Says:

    Thank you. I don’t have the words. Thank you. I am trying to become alive again and it is happening — slowly. I am coming back to life because of people like you and others. Also, my abusive ex-husband is augmenting my rebirth. Now that I am away from him, I can see clearly what he was, what he is, and what he will most likely be forever. He still scares me, still inspires fear and desperate anxiety with just a tone of voice, but now I see. Now I know. Thank you.

  9. TP3 Says:

    For lizette:

    “My husband of 12 years is a bit controlling and has hit me for many years, but it doesn’t happen often.”

    My husband of 12 years was the same. I didn’t think/know I was being abused. What I realized it that my children were being abused along with me. He didn’t hit them at the time, but the verbal and emotional abuse he perpetrated and still perpetrates on my babies is devastating. I am out 2.5 yeas, but he still has visitation. My 7 year old has a severe and crushing eating disorder. He only weighs 38 pounds. I tried to get him help, but my ex blocked it in court. My baby is so sick because of what he has seen and heard. I am crumbling. Get out right this instant. I will help you.

  10. Rain Says:

    Hi,
    I’m glad I found this site. I am going to keep reading the blogs.
    I am not in a dating relationship with an abuser but I am still stuck with my abusive parents.
    I got stuck having to move back home to the abuse because I lost my job. I had escaped once and now I’m having a really horrible time trying to escape again. To top it off, my abusive sister moved home and I’m yet again their escape goat for all of their problems.

    I’m very miserable and very afraid, I was going to move in with a roommate but my parents yelled at me and screamed at me and threatened me so badly yesterday when I told them.. that of course now I’m not going to do that because yet again I’m afraid of what will happen (car breaking down, not quite enough money again)..

    I’m really sad..

    I hate abuse..
    Sorry I’m venting.. I don’t know what to do.. I’m at a loss… and so sad that I’m stuck in this again.

    ~Rain

  11. CHRISTINA Says:

    Thank you for sharing. I admire you for having the courage to leave and to tell your story you will help so many that are going through similar situations.

  12. Beth Says:

    Is any1 here ? I was just wondering … would surviving the effects of a 24 year old unsolved homicide / missing persons case be welcome here? After 14 years of his abuse- one day he just said mom took off ” he’s had no comment since!

  13. nomorehurt Says:

    Wow! I’ve been spending some time looking around here and am so impressed with what you’re doing. I hope you don’t mind that on posted a recommendation for your site on mine. My focus is to link victims up with sites that can be of help to them, and yours certainly can.
    Thanks for what you’re doing here.

  14. H. Kate Says:

    I hope these articles give you the comfort and hope that they have given me. -Isaiah 65:17

    Sincerely, H. Kate

    http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011108/article_03.htm

  15. Jamie London Says:

    What an amazing site – and what comfort to others going through the same thing. I really want to acknowledge this gift. A truly toxic relationship is actually co-dependent and damaging to both people involved – the abuser and the abusee. The difficult part is breaking free – that’s the “dependent” part. Of course it’s important for people to understand whether their relationships are deeply dysfunctional or whether they are simple in trouble and in need of help. It is possible to repair a bad relationship IF it is essentially based on a healthy foundation and both parties are willing.

  16. Lola Says:

    What an amazing site. Thank you for sharing and helping so many people.

  17. Autumn Says:

    Hi Mount Cope — I hope since you have written your initial post that you have found peace and healing through the wonderful work you have done with this website. It is by far my favorite of this kind, and I am so grateful to have happened upon it. As a person involved in an excruciatingly painful, emotionally abusive relationship, I will make a pact with myself not to allow denial to rob me of the peace of mind and freedom to which I am entitled, and to read something here every day to get me one step closer to recovery.

    Happy Thanksgiving. ;-)

    Love,
    Autumn

  18. mishmashed101 Says:

    Keeping my own blog through wordpress has helped me gain perspective and I use it as a means of therapy, and possibly to help others.

  19. me Says:

    hi. i am so happy to have found your page. it is really comforting.. as i dont have anyone to talk to about what my kids and i are going through. i feel very stuck because i love my husband, and he wants to change so badly, but hasnt been able to. he is in therapy on his own and with me, and is on medication but he stilll lashes out ( yelling, intimidating, thretening to hit, pushing) and blames us (me and the kids) for his anger. he then leaves and comes back later that day, or sometimes the next day very sorry, apologetic and admiting his wrongs. we are then very happy, almost gitty feeling as if the bad times are behind us and it will never happen again… even though it happens at least 3-6 times per week! it is really scary that my thinking is SO messed up!! how can i believe that it will get better when it hasnt?? i feel so stupid. i feel traped by myself! does anyone understand this feeling?? what makes it even worse is that my older son (who is 11) is not my husbands biological son, but the son of my ex-husband who was very very abusive emotionally (phisically one time) and who was a child molestor (molesting my son). my son now is very attached to my new husband but also very hurt by him acting this way. he tries to be perfect as to not upset my husband, and then spirals out of control when my husband lashes out at him. my husband really picks on him more than anyone.. expecting him to be perfect. he also blames him for anything he is feeling. he picks him apart. i am so sad. i am so lost. i feel so week. can anyone help??

    • mountcope Says:

      I am so sorry you are going through this . Me, you need to speak with someone. Call your local woman’s shelter or abuse hotline. They will direct you to the right services so you may speak with a professional to help YOU.

      Take Care

  20. Renee Says:

    I met my husband when I was 16. He was four years older and I thought he was the hottest man alive. He was obsessive from the beginning but I just thought that meant he loved me. My parents never liked him but I did and that was all that mattered. He drank and used drugs but everyone I knew did too, so I thought nothing about it. I did my share of experimenting also. But by the time I turned 21 the novelty wore off and never touched anything again. I wasn’t raised in an abusive household so why I thought this was normal is still beyond me. I can’t even remember when he first hit me because it happened so many more times over the next 20 years. In the beginning it was more verbal than anything with a few physical altercations in between. I was so blind to his controlling ways. It was so subtle, I didn’t even realize it until it was too late. By that time I had lost all my friends and had only him.
    By my mid 20’s things seemed to calm down. He stopped drinking and using and being controlling. See, I knew he would change. He actually held down a job and we started talking about marriage and kids. I was ready, so I told him if he could keep this job for a year we could move in together. The following summer we got engaged, moved in together and planned our wedding. It was a great year. We got along fine. I made new friends, I had a wonderful job, life was good. I was 28. A week before our wedding was his bachelor party at our house. All of his old friends were coming and he told me there was going to be drugs and he was going to use this one time. I begged and pleaded for him not to but he just waved me away. The morning of my wedding my dad asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it. What was I going to say? No? How mortifying was that going to be. I never dated, wouldn’t even want to. I was old and who would have me. And I wanted a baby more than anything. I’m not a practicing Catholic but this is the order of things ingrained in me. I wasn’t about to start over after investing 12 years of my life. So come what may, I was getting married. How bad could it possibly get? He’s a changed man. Oh God if I only knew. This was just the beginning of 8 more years of Hell.
    So I had a beautiful wedding that went off without a hitch. Set off on our honeymoon, came back and started my new married life. Three months later I got pregnant and was over the moon. Somewhere during this time he started drinking and using cocaine again. But it was only on Fridays so it was ok. It didn’t interfere with his work so what was my problem? I began to dread Fridays. He would be up half the night, pacing back and forth, back and forth. Turning lights on and off, opening and closing doors. I still don’t know how I didn’t snap after years of this. That I got no sleep and had to work the next day didn’t matter. Then the verbal abuse started again. I look back and don’t think it ever really stopped but just became progressively worse. Then he’d wake me sometime in the middle of every Friday night and want sex. So to keep the peace and get back to sleep I did.
    My son was born in July of 2000. I was over the moon and so was he. Again I believed things would stop and change as he promised yet again now that we had a baby. But it only got worse.
    He lost his job, then another and another. He started frequenting the bar around the corner. My parents watched our son all day because I lied that he was at work even though he wasn’t. I was so embarased. Everything everyone ever warned me about was all coming true and I couldn’t admit it. He didn’t care about his son. I would call my parents on the way home from work to see if he picked him up. If he did I knew it was safe to go home. If not he was at the bar and I was going to be in a world of hurt later. This was a neverending cycle for 3 years. This is also when things went from bad to worse. He started using more and more and drinking more and more which made things worse for me. He stole all my jewelry and sold it for drugs and began stealing from my account(I never put his name on it)
    One really bad night, he came home so drunk he couldn’t barely stand. He was so loud and nasty he woke my son who was maybe 4 months or so. I grabbed him and held him as that bastard proceeded to rape me as I consoled my baby in my arms. I just laid there and cried. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Our elderly landlords lived downstairs and eventually began calling the police. They would show up and I would lie that everything was fine. If only they had pushed a little or looked a little closer. By that time I was so terrified of my husband there was no way I was going against his wishes. Or was I more embarased than anything? Eventually the landlords had enough of the ruckus and kicked us out. Thank God my parents owned another house and there was a vacancy and we moved in. They still had no idea what was going on nor did anyone else.
    So we moved in, he got a job and again I hoped for the best. Within a week of his getting the job, he had a drunk driving accident and broke his hip. Oh how I wished he had died. He was laid up for 6 months. Again he promised no more. I began to have hope again that maybe this time. He was great with our son now that he was older. Wanted to spend every moment with him. Thankfully he never hit him, didn’t even let me spank him or raise my voice to him. What a hypocrite for what he let my baby hear and witness for 8 years. So that promise was short lived. As soon as he got back to work, the drinking and drugging started right back up. Then one job after another until I thought I’d go insane. Then it was when our son started school he would stop, then 1st grade, then 2nd he never got to 3rd because I finally put a stop to it.
    So from the time my son was 3 until he turned 8, the abuse escalated slowly but surely. The beatings were few and far between and usually only happened after my son was asleep. But the fear he put in my heart was unbearable. I felt like I had nowhere to turn. He made me feel like less than nothing. Every day was more degrading than the next. I ignored it, let it go in one ear and out the other, pretending it didn’t phase me. I was strong. I can handle anything he dishes out. How I didn’t turn to drinking , drugs or into depression, or even the looney bin, I’ll never know. Everything I did was wrong. From what I wore, to what I cooked, to how I raised my son etc. I was fat, useless, disgusting, a pig, a whore, a cunt, etc. Day in and day out. My only refuge was my job. I dreaded coming home. The drug and alcohol use escalated from those Fridays to twice a week to four times to six times in the end. I had one day of respite a week. Then the beatings began.
    Oh he’d hit me in the past. A slap here, a punch there, a kick here. But nothing prepares you for an actual beating.
    On July 4th, 2005 we had a barbecue. A few of his old buddies showed up. He proceeded to get wasted. After everyone left he started accusing me of inviting them behind his back. Then he started beating me and trying to rape me. The more I fought back the worse it got. I didn’t want my son to wake up so I tried to stay quiet. He couldn’t get it up and that enraged him more. he blamed me and proceeded to punch me in my head repeatedly. Then he grabbed the toilet cleaning wand and was going to shove it up my ass. I fought back and my son woke up. He made me put him back to sleep and then continued. At one point he tried to strangle me so I would black out so then I wouldn’t fight him. Eventually it ended come morning. My sons birthday party was that day.
    In January, 2006 he went out and got wasted, came home and again tried raping me. Punching me in the head, kicking me in the ribs and threatening to kill me. He went to the bathroom and I tried to run out. He stopped me, went outside and punctured my tire, came back in and beat me some more. I was numb. He went to the bathroom again and I finally got out, naked in only a t-shirt and a pair of socks and no glasses which I’m blind without. I hid behind my house in the freezing cold. Eventually I climbed into his car which was unlocked and laid down. I was in excruciating pain and freezing. When the sun came up I knocked on the door and he let me in and proceeded to rape me yet again. When he finally woke up out of his drunken stupor, oh he couldn’t believe what he had done to me.
    On September 9th, 2007, we went to a housewarming party. I knew I was in for it when we got home. Sure enough he started and I ran out before he could touch me. I go sprawling down the stairs because he’s chasing me, bash my head wide open on the sidewalk. Get up, get to my car and drive away. I knew I needed to go to the police but I just couldn’t get the nerve up to. The blood pouring down my face and the pain got to me and I went back. He let me in and thankfully left me alone.
    That May of 2007 he quit his job which was a very good job as an electrician’s helper and told me he was never working again. He was going to stay home to be with our son since I was an awful mother. That by far was the worst of the worst years of my life. He was using and drinking 6 nights a week by then. Paranoia started setting in. I was cheating on him, I was planning to leave him with his child, I was hiding money, I wasn’t paying the bills and so on. He would stalk me at my job trying to catch me doing God knows what. He searched my bag every day. He went through the bills and went crazy if something was late. Everything was late. I couldn’t manage on my salary alone and him stealing my money for drugs and alcohol to boot. It was a never ending cycle. He broke at least 4 phones and called all the numbers on the cell phone bill to see who I was calling. He timed me from work and if it took more than 15 minutes i was in trouble. Anything and everything to start an argument to threaten me and beat me. I seriously don’t know how I hid this for as long as I did. I was at the point I wanted to kill him to be free. I would spend the rest of my life in jail and my dear parents could raise my son. How did I let this go so far? How did my upstairs nad downstairs neighbors not hear my cries for help? I felt so alone and helpless. I hated this man with my whole being. I prayed for his death every day. I now knew it was never ever going to get better. I knew all along but was to blind and scared to see. The end was near but I didn’t know it yet.
    June 16th,2008 was the night to end all nights or so I thought. My son slept out thank God. Another night like any other. I was sleeping and got woken up to a drunken crazed man yet again. He threw something on the floor and told me to pick it up. I bent down and he lashed out and kicked me in the mouth. I fell to the ground and he kicked all over numerous times. He never really touched my face before so I could usually hide my bruises. All I could think about was how was I going to hide this one tomorrow for work. Crazy but that’s what I was worried about. He slapped me in the face and then tried strangling me. He dragged me to the bedroom and threw me on the bed and started spitting beer all over me. He took a plastic garbage bag and put it over my head then crumpled it and tried strangling me with it. This night I really thought was finally the end of me. He hid all the phones so I couldn’t call 911. I think he knew too that this time I would if I could. I did finally get to my cell and called 911 but he came back and I threw the phone under the bed. He went looking for the phone and if he didn’t have it in 2 minutes… So I grabbed it and erased the 911 call and just prayed they could somehow trace it. He shoved the dresser against the bedroom door, wanted to handcuff me to the bed but couldn’t and passed out. When he was finally snoring I got up and somehow got out of the bedroom and was going to get out. But he woke up as I slipped out the bedroom and dragged me back in. I have a very high sleigh bed. He made me lay down and put me in a vice grip so I couldn’t move. At some point he shoved me out of the bed so hard I cracked both my shins on a wooden chest by the side of the bed and cracked my head on the nightstand and floor. I thought for sure my legs were broken. They swelled up on the spot and I couldn’t move or feel them. When he saw my legs he finally left me alone. How nice of him huh? Nothing was broken thankfully but the scars inside and out remain forever. I was so bruised from that night there was no hiding it. I was covered from head to toe and it being summer…
    I went to work after 3 days of lying about being sick. I have more make-up and cover up than I know what to do with. I did the best I could and went in. No one seemed to notice. I’m finally hoping someone does and nothing. Except for a wonderful friend I met 2 years before at work that I was getting accused of cheating with. Oh how I wish I was since I was getting accused of it anyway. One week he sees the bruise on my nose and I blame it on my son’s hard head. Next time he sees my eye and again I blame it on my son. The next time my neck which I thought was healed, he notices and I just say I have no idea. The last straw were my legs. He flipped out and said do not blame your son for those. And my silence was finally broken to a man much, much younger than I, whom I love and trust with all my heart. Who pushed and pushed until my dirty little secret came out. My guardian angel who got me out of my personal Hell after 20 years of secrecy. I love you KC. The following weekend I had my husband arrested.
    On July 27th,2008 I finally snapped. We were arguing again about the same old stuff. well basically I sat there quivering and crying as he spewed his filth in my face pushed up against the wall with the kitchen table. I think he knew his time was almost over. He had an uncanny sense of things. For hours he threatened to kill me or send his friends after me if I ever left him and divorced him and took away his son. I could do whatever and he’d always come after me. Then he said if he can’t have him neither would I and “don’t think I won’t go in there right now and snap his little fucking neck.” That was it. At that moment everything became clear and I knew this was the night I would do it. No more. You will not threaten my son. Do to me what you will but never my son. I just had to get out of the house safely. I shoved my debit card down my pant because I knew that was next. He’d steal it to get more money for more drugs. I sat down with my son and we rocked as I cried and he consoled me. “Don’t cry mommy, everything will be ok” he tells me as he rubs my back. That was the clincher. My 8 year old son is consoling me? This is so wrong. What am I doing to him? This is damaging him more than me. So I told him if I can get out of the house safely not to worry and I would be back with the police this time. He shushed me and said don’t let daddy hear. Sure enough he went through my bag and I told him I left my card by my parents to just let me go and I’d take out whatever he wants and to just leave and not come back until he’s sober. He gave me my car key and my parents house key and I left. But this time I didn’t hesitate and went straight to the police station. I told them to please just get my son out safely because I didn’t know what he was capable of. 6 police cars came to my house. I didn’t even think about the embarrasment of it all. I just wanted my son safe in my arms. That was the longest 10 minutes waiting for them to get him. That bastard wouldn’t open the door and I panicked that maybe this time he really would hurt him to get back at me for bringing the police. In the end he was arrested and my son and I were safe.
    He spent 2 weeks in jail until someone bailed him out. I got my final restraining order that week and filed for divorce on August 21st which ironically enough was our wedding anniversary. The last 2 years have not been easy. I dreaded what would happen if I ever did this and with good reason. But it’s still better than the Hell I was in. He failed all of his evaluations but was still granted supervised visits by his mothers who he moved in with. That’s not supervision and he did what he wanted because she was scared of him too. The police and courts have not been on my side with any of this. I’m looked upon as a nuisance. Oh how I dreaded those visits. I just knew something bad was going to happen. My son and I lived in constant fear. He would interrogate my son every visit with question upon question about me. He told him he’s always watching. I know he stalked me at my job. He slashed my tires twice in my driveway. If I had been outside it wouldn’t have been my tires that got slashed. But I had no proof. He left messages on my phone but by the time it got to court after several postponements, the messages disappeared. But again, it was still better than living with him or was it. At least then I knew what he was up to. Now I’m blind.
    It all came to a head on April 10th,2009, Good Friday, and yes it was. I was sleeping and get a call with a message from him “answer the door, you fucking cunt.” I freaked thinking he’s outside. The police come, I check but the message came from his mom’s house thank God. The next morning I find out he went crazy. Went after his mother and niece with a knife. They barricaded themselves in the bedroom and called the police. The police got them safely out. He proceeded to lock himself in the bathroom and there was a 7 hour standoff with 4 towns and the SWAT Team. He lunged at police with the knife and 8 cans of pepper spray didn’t take him down. Eventually he surrendered and he’s been locked up since. 50,000 dollars bail and no 10%. Needless to say this has been a nice peaceful year except for divorce court which was finally finalized in November.
    But this past Monday I went to court and he finally plead guilty and will be getting out on or before June 18th,2010. I really thought and was hoping he would go to prison for a few years but instead he’s getting probation. Are you kidding me? If he had gotten to his mom and niece they would be dead. But since no one got hurt he’s getting out. When he came out if you could have seen the way he looked at me. He is not done yet. He wants me dead more than ever. Everyone can think me crazy and overexagerating but I’ve known that man since was 16 and he is pure evil. I am terrified for my son and myself. I know he is coming after me. He’s had a year to plot. I hope to God not. I don’t want to end up another statistic. But if him doing something means he goes away forever for my sons sake let it be. I may end up in Hell with him and gladly for praying for his death even to this day. But even all this I take over ever having to go back. And I hope and pray more woman find the strength and courage to get away and stay away.

  21. lee Says:

    i just wanted to say i love you.
    i know dealing with abuse is a dangerous and dreadful task.
    i feel your pain. i’ve been there. so my heart goes out to each and every one of the readers of this page. <3

  22. Diana M. Rodriguez Says:

    I am encouraged by the information on this site. I have come out of an unhealthy relationship and am in recovery. I appreciate all of the contributions to this site from those who have experienced it firsthand. It is only through understanding, education, acceptance and truth that we will ever be able to break the unhealthy patterns and abusive relationships in our lives.

  23. anonymous Says:

    i have been raised by my guardians after i lost my al my family,it’s been heartache since then because i have no one to look up to.i’m doing grade 12 for the second time because i never get time to prepare for my exams…always working,doing house chore almost al the work is been done by me and i can’t complain because i dont know to whom i have to tell.i’m leaving a hell life that it taers me up deep down,sometimes i wish i was dead some days i even think of commiting suicide because i feel like i have no purpose of being alive.it’s hard being raised by people who are not your parents because i dont get money all the yeat even for applications to varsities i dont get it,i dont get clothes only on december times though their not enough but learnt to appriciate the less i get,worst part i even fell for sugar daddies thinking they will do every thing for me.ther’s a lot of pain in my heart that i cry when writing now,i blame myself for being alive,for leavin with them and yet afraid that they gonna hate me if find out that i wrote to this site…my emotions are destroyed all i’m left with is a fragile heart and heart feelings…i’m afraid to face the world next year,thinking that people gonna see my heart bruises and that i’m an orphan,because people i thought were ,my sisters dont want me to stay with them…my life is a hell of mess…how to get out of this? I dont want to hurt anyone but feel like rather hurt me

  24. stephanie welch Says:

    this is a great site…I’ve only been free from my abuser for 4 months. I’ve just recently found my voice and started reaching out and following domestic violence blogs. It makes me feel great and sad at the same time to see that I am not alone. Others have survived too and there is a life after abuse. I was with my abuser for 6 years…I tried to leave over 5 times. The reason I left this time and left for good is because this was the first time one of my children tried to intervene and help me. I read somewhere that a child doesn’t usually get involved until they truly fear their mother is about to be seriously injured. My son jumped in right around the time my arm was broken. I have no choice but to stop allowing my children to see this. I couldn’t live with myself if my children continue the cycle.

  25. svasti Says:

    The things people do sometimes effect us so deeply and so painfully that nothing seems to work in relieving such torture – but there is hope, there is recovery and there is God.

    Embrace your life.

  26. Su Says:

    I have been abused for so long that I have become a person I don’t like. I don’t have a social circle of friends as I feel I can’t have friends and that I should be lonely and alone.


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